Revenge
by Molly Raesly
Summary: A thought that made the monster inside Lily’s chest roar with triumph. He needed to be repaid for the constant harassment, pranking, date offers, and overall big headedness. She needed revenge
1. The Decision

"_LEAVE HIM ALONE!" _

_James and Sirius looked around. James's free hand jumped to his hair again._

_It was one of the girls from the lake edge. She had thick, dark red hair that fell to her shoulders and startling green almond-shaped eyes -- Harry's eyes._

_Harry's mother…_

"_All right, Evans?" said James, and the tone of his voice was suddenly pleasant, deeper, and more mature. _

"_Leave him alone," Lily repeated. She was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. "What's he done to you?"_

"_Well," said James, appearing to deliberate the point, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…."_

_Many of the surrounding watchers laughed, Sirius and Wormtail included, but Lupin, still apparently intent with his book, didn't, neither did Lily._

"_You think you're funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."_

"_I will if you go out with me, Evans," James said quickly. "Go on… Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."_

_Behind him, the Impediment Jinx was wearing off. Snape was beginning to inch toward his wand, spitting out soapsuds as he crawled._

"_I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the Giant Squid," said Lily._

"_Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius briskly, turning his back to Snape. "OY!"_

_But too late; Snape had directed his wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James's face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants._

_Many people in the small crowd watching cheered. Sirius, James, and Wormtail roared with laughter._

_Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she was going to smile, said, "Let him down!"_

"_Certainly," said James and he jerked his wand upward. Snape fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Disentangling himself from his robes, he got up quickly to his feet, wand up, but Sirius said, "Petrificus Totalus!" and Snape keeled over again at once, rigid as a board._

"_LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily._

"_Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly._

"_Take the curse of him, then!"_

_James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape and muttered the countercurse._

"_There you go," he said, as Snape struggled to his feet again, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus--"_

"_I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"_

_Lily blinked. "Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I would wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."_

"_Apologize to Evans!" James roared at Snape, his wand pointing threateningly at him._

"_I don't want you to make him apologize," Lily shouted, rounding on him. "You're as bad as he is…"_

"_What?" yelped James. "I'd NEVER call you a-- you-know-what!"_

"_Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can--I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."_

_She turned on her heel and hurried away._

Revenge

by Molly Raesly

Chapter One

The Decision

Lily stormed away from the lake in a huff, stomping her feet in an immature, tantrum way. As childish as this was, it made Lily feel better to storm away. Her nasty tempter needed a chance to fume before it would cool down. She purposely ignored Potter's calling her name and refused to even acknowledge the sound. If only Potter's existence could be so easily forgotten. Still, there was no way in bloody hell she was turning around now. Surely, even Potter would see that. Not in the likely, Lily thought to herself. Oh, Potter! He made her so mad!

The prat acted like he owned the school just because he played on the Quidditch team. He didn't even play that well. Okay, he was rather good and the Gryffindor Quidditch team had yet to lose a match since he became a chaser on the team, but that didn't make him any better than the next Hogwarts student! He and his fellow baboons were just awful. Marauders they called themselves. Of course, they would need a name to set them apart. Merlin forbid they could just follow the rules and try to remain inconspicuous. Lily despised them, all except Remus. Lily was a prefect with him and enjoyed his company on patrols. Remus actually behaved like a human being, and he could actually hold a civil conversation. But why did he always allow his so-called friends to get away with such nonsense all the time? He was almost as bad as Potter. He just let them terrorize Snape.

Lily's fists, which she had been subconsciously clenching along with her jaw, balled up even tighter when she thought of her former friend's name. True, she and Severus had made it a point to keep their friendship a secret while at Hogwarts; their social circles simply would not have allowed for the relationship, or so Sev had told her. Slytherins do not befriend muggleborn Gryffindors, even if they were friends when they were little. Now, however, Lily never wanted to talk to her childhood friend again, and it was all James Bloody Potter's fault.

If he had not caused this trouble, Severus never would have called Lily a--Mudblood, she thought the word as a pain shot through her chest. He had never called her that before, at least to her face, a voice in Lily's mind reminded her. Lily brushed back the hurt and the tears forming in her eyes with the back of her hand angrily. There was no point in getting weepy. This situation called for something else entirely. A burning sensation flowed through Lily's veins as she pictured herself causing James Potter as much pain as he had caused her over the past five years. Her fingers shook and tightened as though she were strangling him, a thought that made the monster inside Lily's chest roar with triumph. He needed to be repaid for the constant harassment, pranking, date offers, and overall big headedness. She needed revenge.

Didn't Potter deserve to be punished for his crimes? Hadn't he made her past years miserable with his constant pestering and begging for him to go out with her? How could one not want to wipe that stupid 

smirk off of Potter's overinflated ego? Shouldn't Lily be the one to knock precious Potter off of his pedestal at Hogwarts? Wouldn't she, his constant victim, be the perfect person to deflate Potter's head? Yes, she decided. Yes, she would.

Lily could think of nothing more satisfying than to crush that untidy-haired Marauder. Her body began to shake with anticipation just thinking about it. Her lips curled into a haughty grin. She imagined the look on his face when she finally--

"Lily!" she heard someone call from behind her.

Lily didn't turn around to look. It was probably just Potter or one of his Marauders, or worse, Severus. Or perhaps, Lily was having a lucky day, and one of the pathetic girls that always traipsed after Potter was hunting her down to ask her, "Like, why would you ever say 'no' to James? He's the most gorgeous guy ever!"

"Lily!" the voice called again. Suddenly, Alice Prewett appeared at Lily's side, her wide, blue eyes gazing into Lily's own green ones. She was Lily's best friend, a Gryffindor, as well, but a year older. "Lily," she gasped, catching her breath. Her cheeks were a ruddy red color, and her short black hair was matted across her face. "I've been chasing you for ages! Ruddy long legs!" Alice added as an afterthought, cursing her short genetics from her mother's side as she hastened to catch up to her red tempered friend.

"Sorry," Lily muttered. "I thought you were somebody else."

"Potter?" Alice guessed, already knowing the answer.

Lily grimaced at the name. "Stupid Potter," she spat as she trudged up a set of stairs that led to the entrance of the castle.

"I heard about your not-so-little argument down at the lake just now," said Alice.

"Is all of Hogwarts already gossiping about perfect Potter and the goody-two-shoes Evans having a bickering spat?" Lily asked, fuming.

"Try to keep the venom at a low, Lily," Alice teased. "You'll begin to froth at the mouth with all that hatred."

"How can I not be furious with him? He humiliated me in front of the whole bloody school! And now even you know about it, what, two minutes later?"

"It was only about thirty seconds. You stormed away pretty fast. Maybe you should join the Quidditch team."

Lily silenced Alice with a glare.

To be fair," mused Alice, after the evil eye had finally disappeared. "I wasn't too far from the scene of the crime. And it wasn't _all_ his fault. There were loads of students there. And besides, Lily, you were being pretty loud. Voices carry."

"That's just ruddy fantastic, Alice, thanks," spat Lily.

"I'm sorry," Alice apologized. "What did Potter even do anyway?"

"He teased Severus."

"Practically everyone at Hogwarts makes fun of him," Alice pointed out.

"And he asked me out!" Lily continued. "In front of everyone! It's not like it's the first time, but at least before, there was some sort of decency about it. He usually just does it in the corridor or while I'm 

alone. Potter embarrassed the hell out of me. He's got absolutely no tact! Who asks someone out while they are shouting at each other?"

"Although, yes, it wasn't the best of circumstances, I can't blame him for wanting to go out with you. It's not his fault he's got good taste in women."

"I wish his standards were a lot lower. Maybe he would go out with one of his annoying little bints. But this is Potter, so his standards are that low!" Lily corrected herself. "He's always dragging some new girl into a broom closet with him and then ruffling his hair as he emerges from his latest conquest."

"Okay, so the guy is a pig. Why are you so inclined to hex him into oblivion, beat him to a bloody pulp, and then rip out his hair and throw it in the Common Room fireplace?"

Lily smiled despite herself at Alice's imagery. Her ideas seemed so delightful. "I loathe him, and he doesn't ever seem to get the message. There's always the never-ending 'All right, Evans?' or 'Go out with me, Evans!' He finally reached my breaking point. This is it. In order to keep the little sanity I have left, I need to remove Potter from my life. I physically cannot handle his ridiculous attempts to get me to 'snog with him in an abandoned broom closet anymore!'"

"Did he really ask you to do that? There are spiders and mops in there!" Alice interjected, but Lily ignored her and continued with her rant.

"I don't like him. I hate him actually, and I will never ever _ever_ go out with him. Does he need me to ruddy write it out for him? Maybe I should bloody put an ad on the cover of the _Daily Prophet_!"

"That's assuming he can read," Alice replied lightly with an unsure smile, trying to calm Lily down with humor.

"Which he probably can't!" Lily realized, walking quickly through corridors towards the Gryffindor Common Room. Alice, who was a fair few inches shorter than Lily's five-foot-seven height, had to nearly 

jog to keep up with her fiery friend. "Ugh! He just infuriates me! How could he possibly think I would ever want to go out a pompous git like him?"

"I dunno, Lily. Boys are so confusing. They're always doing something odd. Maybe he really does like you."

Lily snorted at that remark and stopped walking. She turned to address Alice vehemently. "James Potter is not capable of that kind of emotion. The most he could possibly feel for me is stupid, pathetic, teenage lust. I'm no different than a Quidditch match to him."

"I think he prefers girls over Quidditch," Alice disagreed with a smile. "Or, at least his broomstick does."

Lily threw Alice a look. "You're beginning to sound like him now. Potter doesn't really want to date me. He just wants to win."

"I know that teenage boys are not the most moral people around, but I think he'd enjoy spending time with you in a romantic way. You've never seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one's watching."

"Give me a break, Alice. You can't possibly be defending him! That look you see is sick, perverted, lust. I'm only a challenge he wants to win or a chance to prove himself to a group of spectators. He doesn't care about me. I doubt Potter even knows anything about me. He just doesn't want to lose the game."

Alice pondered this for a moment. "Then maybe you should play, too," she suggested finally. "And just make sure you win."

"Now that's an idea," Lily replied, grinning shrewdly at her friend. Alice took it more as a maniac's glint rather than an actual smile. Lily began to pace back and forth as she mulled the thought over in her head. "Beat Potter at his own game," Lily muttered softly to herself. "Finally make him pay for all the rubbish he's put me through. Make him feel how I feel."

"Lily, I don't know if that's the best idea," said Alice worriedly. "I mean, he's just a bloke. How far do you really want to go with this?"

"Alice, Potter needs someone to teach him a lesson. You can either help me, or you cannot. But you are not stopping me."

"No, I don't think anyone would ever be able to stop Lily Evans from doing something she had her mind set on." Alice sighed, giving up at last. "What do you want me to do, Lily?"

"You are going to help me get revenge on James Potter," announced Lily.

"And how in Merlin's name are we going to do that?" Alice asked.

"By giving him what he's always wanted," Lily declared, turning on her heel to smile beatifically at her friend.

"What's that?" Alice asked.

"Me," Lily replied determinedly.

"Something about that makes me feel like this is not going to end happily," said Alice, already weary of the future.

"Oh, it will," Lily assured her friend. "Just not for Potter."


	2. The Plan

The Plan

The Plan

Lily hurried upstairs after dinner. Her mum could try, but nothing would stifle Petunia's constant snide comments. Lily would just sit through dinner and try to ignore it. She did not want Petunia to get her way. No matter how rude or obnoxious Petunia was or how many times she called her a "freak," Lily refused to let her temper get the best of her. She would not surrender to Petunia's level. Even the slightest sign of unease would alert Petunia that she was getting under Lily's skin, so Lily forced herself to remain perfectly calm. This was almost like a game, and Lily was not a fan of losing.

In the safety of her locked room, Lily flopped down onto her bed with a large _thud_. She examined her hands. Little half-moon marks were decorating her palms, tiny reminders that she was not as immune to her sister's comments as she wanted to be. Lily turned on her record player and put on some soothing, classical music. She sat back onto her bed and rested the back of her head against her wicker headboard. The summer had passed very monotonously. Lily wasn't allowed to have friends from school over because it upset Petunia. Though any friendly, non-parental human contact would have been welcomed at this point, Lily did not really like having to keep up a muggle charade with her old school friends. It was all very tiresome, and Lily found it not to be worth the trouble after she had made up her 32nd excuse as to why she had slipped up and said Merlin instead of God. To make matters worse, Petunia had her new boyfriend over nearly every day. It was sickening. They made such an odd-looking couple, like a tooth pick and a tomato dating. Lily's more petty nature was rather pleased that Petunia had started dating Vernon, though. It was almost like vindication.

The loneliness Lily felt was matched her boredom. At only sixteen, she was still too young to find a decent job. Plus, her parents wanted her to stay home, so they could enjoy her company during the few months she was not away at school. Lily snorted at the thought. Her parents, although they did not exactly share Petunia's attitude, did not really know how to connect to Lily anymore. Magic was just too overwhelming for them. Lily sometimes caught them staring at her, as though she would just burst the house into flames at any moment. It was maddening. Her own parents feared her, not quite sure if she would pull a rabbit out of a hat or kill them all in their sleep. Lily did not blame them; they did the best they could, given the situation. Lily knew that they still loved her dearly. It was just the unfamiliarity of magic they could live without. Still, she longed to be a part of a family like Alice's. Lily wanted nothing more than to belong to a family where everyone was magic and no secrets needed to be kept. Lily supposed living with all muggles, if she was one, too, would have been a decent option, as well. Still, part of her wondered if she could ever go back to being her parents' little girl. She knew too much. Giving up magic now would have been like giving up her arm, or her torso. It was not an option. But, if Lily was born into a Pureblood family like Alice…

Lily grimaced. The thought of Alice was very painful. She was Lily's only really close friend, and she would be graduating next year. To top it all off, she would not even be living in the Gryffindor Tower anymore. She had made Head Girl, as her most recent letter described. It was almost as though she was leaving Lily a year ahead of time. Now she had no one to help her escape from the insanity of living with Marauder-worshipping teenage girls. Lily moped about that thought for an immeasurable amount of minutes, staring up at her ceiling.

A hooting sound woke Lily out of her reverie. She glanced at the window and smiled as she recognized the familiar looking owl. "Hey, Charm," Lily greeted Alice's light brown owl. She coaxed her over to her desk and then lightly brushed her finger along the feathers on Charm's right wing. "Haven't seen you in awhile," Lily continued, talking to the owl, even though she was not sure she could completely understand what she was saying. It was just good to finally have some part of the magical world with her again, a reminder of the world she longed to rejoin. "How's Alice doing?" Lily asked.

Charm hooted softly at the mention of Alice's name. Lily chuckled quietly to herself. "I'll take that as 'good,' then, shall I?" Lily removed the letter from Charm's leg and rummaged through her desk until she found a slightly stale owl treat. "Here you go," she said as she offered it to the owl. Lily then rushed back to her bed and opened the letter.

_Hey, Lily!_

_It's me, of course. I just got back from vacation. Oh, Lily, Italy is so wonderful. There were so many things to see, and the food was to die for! I honestly think I'm going to have to buy a new uniform before we go back to school; that's how good cannolis are. I'm excited for the new term to start, though. Head Girl! I still can't believe it! I was sure they were going to pick Amelia Bones. McGonagall is always going on about how good her switching spells are. My switching spells are good, too! Okay, well, there was that one time when I accidentally, well, you remember. I don't think I've been able to look at an ink bottle the same way since. Anyway, since I am your best friend, and I can just see your worry lines forming, don't worry! We will still hang out just as much as ever. You can come over to the Heads' Dorms for sleepovers!_

_I got a very interesting letter today. Frank Longbottom wrote me. He's the new Head Boy. He said he was very excited to be working with me. Actually, no. His exact words were "I am very much looking forward to being in such close proximity with you this year." What do you think that means? Do you think he's flirting with me? Oh, Lily, you know I've had a crush on him for ages. And to think, he was the one to owl me!_

_I know things have been kind of boring for you lately. Don't worry, though. We'll be on the train tomorrow morning, heading for home! I have to sit with Frank, so we can discuss what we will say to inspire you prefects! But then, I am yours. Maybe this will turn out to be a good thing. You can do some work for your whole "revenge" scheme. I dunno about that, Lils. I mean, Potter is a prat, but I don't want you to do anything too brash. You might regret it. I know how important this is to you, though, so I won't try to get in the way. You're too bloody stubborn for that! Sadly, I doubt I can really participate in the event now. I think Frank might be suspicious if he hears me sneak off in the middle of the night. Do you think if I told him it was to meet some bloke, he might get jealous? Ahh, if only! Regardless, I think you will have to destroy Potter's life on your own._

_Okay, enough Potter talk. I know how much it bothers you. I will see you tomorrow! I've really missed you! I hope you can still recognize me post-eating myself into oblivion!_

_Love,_

_Alice_

Lily smiled as she finished the letter. No one understood her the way Alice did. She was exactly what Lily needed to balance herself out. She supplied Lily with loud and bubbly perspective. Only, this time, Lily did not want to take her friend's advice. Alice was right about many things, but James Potter was not one of them. In this one, solitary case, Lily would bet against her. She did not attend classes with Lily. She did not know what it was like to have all the boys too afraid of Potter to even make direct eye-contact with her, let alone talk to or ask Lily out on dates to Hogsmeade. Alice did not know what it was like to have practically every girl in her year hat her because she was the object of Potter's twisted affections. Alice just simply did not understand. Lily needed to do this.

After sending Charm away and putting on her pajamas, Lily curled into bed with her newfound, strengthened resolve. Tomorrow, September 1st, would be the first day of the plan. Concentrating on this, Lily drifted off to sleep.

She had peculiar dreams. She was lost in the Forbidden Forest, completely alone and defenseless. A howling sound was echoing through the woods, and Lily was being hunted. She ran as fast as she could, but she could not find her way out of the trees. It seemed the more she ran, the deeper into the woods she got. The thick, leafy trees blocked out all light, except for the faint glow of the full moon above her in the sky. Her attacker's thumping footsteps became louder and closer as time wore on. They were the only sound Lily could hear besides her own panting and rapidly thudding heart. Lily knew she would soon be outrun. Suddenly, an enormous werewolf emerged from behind, sprinting towards her. Its teeth were bared in bloodlust. Lily stared at it in terror, rooted to the spot. It was about to attack when a huge deer intervened, protecting her. No, not a deer, Lily realized. The beautiful creature was a stag. "I'm sorry," Lily heard herself whisper to the creature, reaching out to pat is fur with her fingertips. It flinched, turning to face her with wide, almost human eyes, as though it had just realized who it was protecting. Then, it stepped out of the way and cleared the way for the werewolf's attack.

Lily shot up out of her bed, sweating and panting. She grasped at her sheets, trying to make sense of her surroundings. After a few seconds, she realized that she was safe in her room. There were no monsters, only pillows and sheets. Lily glanced at her clock and groaned. It was four in the morning. "It was only a dream," Lily reassured herself. She then rested her head back onto her pillow and drifted off into sleep once more.

The next morning, she did not remember the dream at all.

Lily awoke two minutes before her alarm clock was set to go off, even though she had set in an hour earlier than usual. Lily decided this was all down to nerves. She had been anxiously awaiting the start of school all summer long. She merely wanted to see Alice and begin her plan. That was the only reason her hand would not stop shaking the entire two minutes she spent meticulously brushing her teeth. Lily's frazzled behavior continued even after her long shower. Though she had spent most of the summer picking out her outfit for the day, Lily still fretted over it. She changed at least seven times before putting her jeans and black tank top back on. The jeans had shrunken slightly in the wash, making them tighter around her hips than her other pants. The shirt was lower cut than what Lily usually wore; its skinny straps had an annoying tendency to slide down her shoulder, revealing her matching black bra.

Lily eyed herself wearily in the mirror. She felt rather, well, slutty. It was not that her clothes were overly-revealing; they were just much less conservative than her normal look. The black, high-heeled boots were like a bad omen as she strapped them onto her feet. It made her feel slightly sick with herself, knowing that she had done this in an attempt to lure Potter. She did not want to concentrate on that nauseating thought. Instead, Lily focused on the pleasure she would feel at finally besting Potter. Keeping that in mind, Lily took out her weapons.

The eyeliner was easier to put on than she had thought. With a small amount of smudging from her pinky finger, her eyes were lightly lined in black, making them stand out even more against her perpetually pale skin. The eyelash curler was more difficult. It took Lily a long time to find the courage to put it up to her eye. Reminding herself that she was a Gryffindor, Lily eventually did it and found that, although it was as scary as hell, her eye was not hurt in the process. She coated her curled, red lashes in mascara. Lily put her clear lip gloss in her pocket for later.

She kept her hair simple. She did not want to look like she was trying too hard. Lily decided to keep it down, straight as was her usual. The only slight difference she made was the curls at the ends of her hair. Her mum had taken her to get her hair cut recently, and the angles and layers produced a voluminizing effect to her otherwise flat mane.

Lily examined herself in the mirror. She had to admit she looked good. Her appearance was much more put together, like she was being a sixteen year-old girl who cared about makeup and boys for once, not a girl who wanted to get revenge on the only boy who paid any attention to her. Lily brushed that unwanted thought from her mind. She focused on her reflection, surprised by the amount of confidence it gave her. Suddenly, her task seemed easier. The clothes and the makeup gave her power. Lily smiled and then walked down the stairs into the kitchen, cautiously in her heels. Granted, they were only about an inch-and-a-half and did little to increase her 5'5" stature, but it was more for show than for the height advantage.

"Morning," Lily greeted her mum, who was reading the paper.

She looked up to glance at Lily swiftly, but her eyes widened as she saw her daughter. After a few seconds, she looked back down at her paper. "Good morning, Lily," she replied before sipping her tea.

Lily sighed. She was grateful that her mum hadn't said anything. It would be far too embarrassing to have to answer any questions, and she had not thought of a good enough excuse as to why she would have dressed up to go sit on a train for hours. Luckily, her mum seemed to pin it on normal teenage girl behavior. Lily almost vainly wished that that was her reason for her current appearance.

"What time do you want to leave, Lily?" Lily heard her mum ask as she poured her cereal out of its box. That was another good thing about Hogwarts: she no longer had to make her own food.

"Well, what time is it now?"

"Just after nine," Mrs. Evans answered, glancing down at her watch.

"I guess in about fifteen minutes then," Lily mused. "I just have to eat breakfast. All of my stuff is packed already. Plus, I have to get there early for prefect duties," Lily added as she sat down onto her favorite kitchen chair around the table, the one in the corner. The voice in the back of her brain reminded her that she had much more important things planned for the train ride. Lily really despised that voice.

Mrs. Evans put her paper down and looked at her daughter. "There isn't anything I can say to make you spend even a few more hours with me?" she asked, half-pleading, half-teasing.

"Sorry, mum," Lily replied with a smile, playing with her spoon. "Education comes first."

"I suppose that's right," Mrs. Evans said with a pout. "I just miss you so much during the year. It's hard to be separated from your baby girl, even if you know that she's doing magical things without you."

Lily rolled her eyes but felt a pain of guilt tug at her heart. She shoved the last bite of cereal into her mouth. "It's not so bad, Mum. I'll be home before you know it with all sorts of new things to tell you."

Lily did not miss the way her mum's eyes widened slightly at the last bit. "I guess that's true," Mrs. Evans responded grudgingly. "Look at me, depressing you when you are obviously excited to go see your friends and begin a new term. I'm a horrible mother."

"Yeah, sure you are, Mum. What kind of mother actually wants their kid around?" Lily replied sarcastically.

Mrs. Evans laughed appreciatively. "If you keep making me laugh, I won't let you leave. Run upstairs and get your trunk. I'll help you load it into the car."

Lily sighed. It was so easy to be around her mum when she was not talking about magic or Hogwarts. For a brief second, Lily imagined what it would have been like to be a normal muggle girl. Her mum would be like this all the time. All the uneasiness would be nonexistent. Perhaps, even her relationship with Petunia would still be on good terms. This life called to Lily; she wanted it so badly. Still, no magic meant no Alice. No magic meant Lily would never really feel like she belonged because nothing felt easier than being at Hogwarts. Still deep in thought, Lily got up and grabbed her bowl.

"Leave it," Mrs. Evans said. "I'll take care of that."

"Okay, thanks, Mum," said Lily, giving her mum a quick smile before rushing up the stairs.

Lily dragged her trunk out of her room, mentally cursing the Ministry of Magic for not letting her do magic over the holidays. Her heavy trunk clunked as it hit every step of the stairs. Lily went back up to her room to grab her bag and quickly scan her room for anything she had missed. She murmured a goodbye to her room and then closed the door on her way out.

Lily stuck her tongue out at Petunia's closed door. Her sister had decided last night that she positively had to spend the day with Vernon today. She had left before anyone had even woken up, without as much as a goodbye to her only sister. Lily had not really expected anything less, but she had hoped Petunia would be nice for just once in her life. Lily's dad had left early, too. He had a very important business meeting at eight that, although he tried, could not be rescheduled. Lily did not blame him; his work was very important. Mr. Evans was a doctor, one of the best. He was the reason Lily worked so hard in school, so she could be a healer, the best magic equivalent she could find to his profession. Her dad had said his farewells the night before. He had even slipped Lily some money when her mum was not looking to "have some fun" with. Lily vaguely wondered what her dad would say if he found out what Lily had planned for later that evening.

Lily and her mum eventually got her trunk into the car and began the journey to Kings' Cross. There was an awkward silence between the two as Lily stood in front of Platform 9 ¾ with her trolley.

"I guess this is it, then," Mrs. Evans finally spoke.

"Yeah, I guess so," said Lily. "I'm going to miss you so much, Mum."

"Oh, me too, Lily," her mum said as she wrapped her daughter into a hug. "Please behave, Lily. I know you will; you're my Lilyflower. It's just that I worry about you."

Lily gulped. This was harder than all of her previous lies. "Don't worry, Mum. I won't do anything I shouldn't."

"I know you won't," said Mrs. Evans, crushing Lily into another hug. "You are a good girl, Lily. Have fun at school. I love you!"

"Love you, too, Mum," Lily muttered as she disentangled herself from her mother's grasp. "I'll see you soon!" she called before she disappeared through the platform.

Lily sighed in relief as she viewed the gleaming red Hogwarts Express. She was that much closer to where she belonged. She pushed her trolley to the train and unloaded her trunk. She then grabbed her bag and searched the train for a good compartment. Lily found one she liked and plopped herself down. Furtively checking to make sure no one was in her vicinity first, Lily removed a mirror from her bag and applied her lip gloss. She stared at herself briefly in the mirror. "You can do this," she repeated to herself.

About ten minutes passed before Lily could hear the excited voices and shuffling feet of Hogwarts students. Lily replayed her plan in her head. She was going to talk to Potter and keep the conversation civil. She needed him to think that she liked him for this to work. So, as vile as it sounded, she needed to flirt with James Potter.

Luckily, Lily did not have to search very long to find him. He actually came up to greet her. He sauntered right up to the entrance to her compartment and rested his arm against the doorway. Lily was not sure if he was trying to seem casual or to block her only exit. Perhaps, he had another motive altogether.

"All right, Evans?" he greeted, winking at her.

Lily smiled, or rather tried to, at him. She guessed it must not have looked much like the grimace she imagined because his face broke out into a grin, as well. "Hi, James," Lily replied, trying to sound cheerful, despite the fact that her voice cracked as she said his name.

James straightened up immediately. His eyes widened in shock and he stared at her for a few seconds. Then, he got control of himself and replied in a voice that was huskier than usual, "Hey, Lily."

He ruffled his hair nervously between his fingers. Lily fought the urge to roll her eyes. She stood up and stumbled closer to him. Thankfully, James did not notice Lily's ineptitude at walking in heels. His eyes were transfixed on the strap to her black tank top, which had fallen down her right shoulder. Only after she had put it back into its proper place did his eyes observe how close she had become. She could have sworn he staggered back in surprise. This action brought a genuine grin to her face. "What can I help you with, James?" she asked, trying to make her voice sound alluring, but she failed miserably. Her tone was too disgusted.

"Well, actually, Lily," he said, smiling as he spoke her name. It distressed Lily to see how much pleasure he got from saying those two simple syllables. "I just wanted to say 'hi.' I haven't seen your beautiful face in nearly three months. I was hanging out with all the Marauders this summer. We got into so much trouble; it was fantastic! I love the summer! It's always hard to go back to Hogwarts knowing that I'll have to do the occasional essay or make some of my early-morning classes," he paused here to wave at a few giggling girls as they walked by. One of them, who Lily did not recognize, blew a kiss at him. James winked at her and then pretended to put it in his pocket for safe-keeping. Thankfully, James missed the look of disdain on Lily's face. She had almost regained her composure when he turned to address her again. "Though, the food makes up for it a bit and so do the pranks," he continued, as though he had not just completely ignored her to go flirt with some other girls. "Plus," he added with a grin, "I missed you."

Lily blanched at his words. Although they came out in his usual cocky delivery, there was a slight undertone that sounded sincere. Lily brushed it off. "I've missed seeing you, too," she lied. Lily suddenly got inspiration. She turned around slowly, trying to mimic the flirty things she and Alice had always made fun of girls for doing. "Do I look any different?"

She saw that James gulped as she spun around. Lily internally smirked with satisfaction. "You look amazing, Lily, as always."

That was a hard one to handle. She had not factored James actually being nice into the equation. She convinced herself that it was just a line. This theory was proven to her when he added, "Have I changed, as well?"

Lily moved closer to him. He had gotten taller; he must have been over six foot now. His muscles were slightly larger and tanner, no doubt from endless hours of playing Quidditch. His face looked the same, though he looked a little apprehensive at her closeness. It was as though he was wondering if she was going to kiss him or slap him. To be honest, Lily did not know which one was more likely at this point.

She settled for not doing either. Instead, Lily said, "You look good, James." She tried to look up at him through her eyelashes. She remembered something about that being written on a _Witch Weekly_ magazine she had confiscated. She felt stupid, but James's expression made Lily feel like it had worked.

"Thanks," he replied hoarsely.

"So, James," Lily replied, lightly running her fingers across his chest. "I was wondering if you would meet me in the Common Room tonight so we can talk?"

"Sure, Lily," James stammered. He reached up to ruffle his hair again. "Talking is good. What time do you want the talking to take place?" He seemed to realize then how squeaky he sounded. James cleared his voice and then started again with a more wicked quality to his voice. "Of course, I'm always up for _talking_," he finished with a wink.

Lily giggled. It sounded repulsive to her ears. "I always though two in the morning was a good time for_talking_," she whispered the implication in his ear, and she could feel James shudder.

"Oi, Prongs!" she heard Sirius yell from down the corridor. "Come over here!"

"I should go," James said, staring into Lily's eyes. Lily broke the contact.

"Yes, you should."

"Later, then?" he asked with an impish grin.

"I'll see you then," Lily replied as coquettishly as she could manage. James grinned and winked at her before walking down the corridor, a swagger in his step. He soon began loudly talking to Sirius, most likely relaying his "success with Evans," judging by the amount of times he messed up his hair.

With no repercussions stopping her this time, Lily rolled her eyes. Potter was such a git. Of course, he would go tell his friend all about their little talk. He was probably already telling Black about their late-night plans. James's prattish behavior was actual a benefit to Lily now. It only aided her cause.

"Lily!" she heard someone scream.

"Alice!" Lily yelled back, tackling her friend with an embrace.

"How did it go?" Alice asked, gesturing with her hand towards Potter and Black. Lily assumed they saw her because they both turned to look in their direction. Black's face seemed arrogant, as though he knew it was only a matter of time until Lily snogged his friend senseless. James grinned hopefully at her, winking before elbowing Sirius in the ribs.

"The plan is in motion," Lily confirmed with a nod.


	3. The Act

The Act

Lily only half-listened to Alice's prattling on about Frank. She "mmhmed" and nodded at all the obvious intervals, and that seemed to appease her best friend. Frank Longbottom was not the boy monopolizing Lily's thoughts. Although Lily was very excited for Alice and whatever four words Frank had said that could be construed to mean he was head over heels in love with her, Lily's mind was elsewhere. She kept replaying her plan in her head.

First, there was the outfit. She had worn it, though as of now, she was wearing her school robes now at the feast. Next, she had flirted with Potter. Thank Sweet Merlin she had not choked on her own vomit during that delightful experience. Now, she just had to get through the rest of dinner and then meet him later in the Common Room. Some adjustments had been made since Alice was no longer her accomplice this evening. Her part had been minor, and Lily had the feeling the entire ordeal would be easier without Alice; she had too much common sense. Lily did not want to be rational and think things through. She wanted revenge.

Lily kept replaying her plan in her mind. She absentmindedly flicked her baked potato from one side to her plate to the other, feeling too frazzled to eat.

"Lily, are you going to eat that or just try to make it mashed?" Alice asked with a laugh, gesturing towards Lily's plate.

Lily, however, still in her own little Potter world, did not hear her.

"Lily?" called Alice again. "Lils, are you even paying attention? Lily?" Alice said her name loudly as she waved her hand in front of Lily's face.

"What?" Lily asked, disoriented. "Oh, sorry, Alice. I just zoned out there for a bit."

"I'll say. I'm sorry. Was my minute description of Frank's face too much for you? You seem to have fallen asleep. There's even a little drool."

"There is not," Lily rebutted, though she wiped her chin just in case.

Alice chuckled. Her laugh was so light, like bells clinking together in harmony. "I know Frank is rather fit, but I don't want you drooling over him."

Lily just rolled her eyes, making Alice laugh again. "What is so important that you wouldn't even want to eat?" she asked, taking a huge bite of chicken to further illustrate her point.

Lily's eyes flickered over to where the Marauders were sitting, just for a fraction of a second.

"I guess I should ask 'who?'" Alice corrected herself before asking in a hushed whisper, "Do you really think he'll show?"

Lily turned to look at the Marauders again. She focused in on James. He was stuffing his face with food as he spoke animatedly to Peter. After a few moments, Sirius elbowed James in the stomach and gestured to Lily. James turned to search for her and met her gaze. Lily could feel a blush form on her cheeks, but she returned his blazing look. He grinned cockily at her, his fingers reaching up to ruffle his hair for the umpteenth time that day. Lily mouthed the word "two" to him, and he nodded and winked at her. Lily smiled at him and then turned away.

"He'll be there," she told Alice firmly.

"Yes, I'd have to agree," Alice replied. "You have that boy wrapped around your little finger, don't you, Little Miss Flirt?"

"He'll never see it coming," declared Lily.

"Poor guy."

"Oh, come on, Alice. Don't be like that. You know how much he's tortured me. For five years I've had to deal with Potter. He has tormented me and all of the people I care about. He needs to be brought to justice."

Alice sighed. "Justice on whose terms, Lily?"

"Mine, obviously."

"You could be wrong about him."

"Not this time."

"Be good, Lily," Alice warned her.

"Am I ever anything but?"

Alice laughed. "Of course! What could I possibly have been thinking?"

"Maybe you should Frank check out your head before you two go sleep together."

"Lily!" Alice squealed loudly before reprimanding her friend in a quieter tone. "We aren't 'sleeping together,'" she said the phrase like it was a crime. "We're just living in the same dorm."

"Yeah, the 'Head' dorm," corrected Lily before she snorted in laughter.

"Lily Evans, you are the most disturbing person I have ever met," Alice exclaimed, wrinkling up her nose. "Why did my best friend turn out to have the mental capacity of a twelve-year-old boy?"

"But you love me for it, right?"

"Yes," Alice admitted. "What a shame, too. I could be hanging out with some sane people right now."

Lily just laughed at this, and the two girls continued to banter throughout the rest of dinner before Alice had to go patrol with Frank.

"Should I say 'good luck,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" Alice asked.

"What does a best friend say to her best friend before she crushes the spirit of the annoying prat who stalks her and drives her positively bonkers?"

"Good luck?" Alice guessed feebly.

"I suppose that'll do," replied Lily with a laugh.

"Be careful, Lily," heeded Alice.

"None of that! Go spend quality time in dark corridors with Frank!" Lily urged Alice before pushing her in the direction of the new Head Boy. Lily smiled as Frank steadied a blushing Alice after she knocked into him. She was so tiny, and he was so tall. They looked adorable together. Alice was blushing, and Frank still had yet to remove his hands from Alice's waist. Lily sighed and turned away. She had one thing she had to do before she could get her own happy ending.

Lily walked alone to the Gryffindor Tower, going through the finer points of her plan, yet again. She distractedly mumbled the password to the Fat Lady and then proceeded up the stairs to the girls' dormitories, entering the door to the sixth years'. She barely bothered to enjoy the sense of contentment that engulfed her as she walked to her familiar four-poster bed. Instead, Lily rushed to her bed and closed the curtains.

She laid down on her bed and closed her eyes but could not feel relaxed. In about fifteen minutes, she heard the giggles and whisperings of her follow dorm mates. Eventually, the noises ended. The girls, being exhausted from the train ride and stuffed to the brim with food, easily drifted off into sleep. Lily glanced at her watch. It was only 10:57. She still had another four and three minutes to go. Joy.

She tried to soothe herself by thinking facts in her head. Generic memorization always made Lily's mind go blank. It was nice; she was able to stop her overloaded brain from thinking constantly about everything and focus on something mindless. However, her nerves were so high that even frighteningly dull History of Magic dates concerning goblin wars in Lichtenstein could not soothe her. Lily sighed and looked at her watch again. It now read 11:34.

After trying to remember the names of all the freshly sorted First Years, what house they were sorted into, and guessing which O.W.L.s they would pass, mentally replaying a scene from her favorite movie, and singing random songs in her head, Lily checked her watch again. It was now 1:19. Lily figured that was a late enough time to begin getting ready. She could not feign sleep any longer. She had to do something. Lying around was doing nothing for her frazzled temperament; it was nearly counterproductive.

Lily sighed and quietly exited her bed. Thankfully, none of the girls stirred as Lily tiptoed to the large vanity the girls used to get ready in the mornings. As she moved, a floorboard creaked underneath her. Lily stopped, frozen with fear, but none of the girls awoke. Only after she heard the reassuring snores echoing from Danica Mariano's bed did Lily begin to breathe again.

Once Lily was over her fright, her mind shifted back into a different type of panic. She debated whether or not she should change her clothes. Lily settled on keeping on her uniform skirt and blouse but taking off her tie and robes. Lily fiddled with the buttons to her blouse, debating whether or not to reveal more of her chest, finally deciding to unbutton one more than was her usual in an attempt to seem more alluring. She approached a mirror and eyed herself wearily. Her makeup was still intact, though a little smudged. Lily fixed that with her finger, trying in vain to stop her hand from shaking.

Her hair was a mess. It looked like a curly explosion from the train ride, steaming dishes during dinner, and finally laying on it. Lily tried to tame her frizzy curls to no avail. Eventually, she decided to just put it up in a bun at the top of her head. She took it down again, trying to straighten out the tangled curls with her fingertips. This had a very bad effect, making her hair even more unmanageable than before. Lily eyed the bottle of potion on the vanity in front of her. It was one of the girls', though she did not know to whom in particular it belonged. The bottle looked promising, however, so Lily poured a small amount into her hand and then massaged it into her hair. The effects were instantaneous. The potion sleeked her hair into glossy curls. Lily hastened to apply it to her entire head.

Hair finally acceptable to be seen in public, Lily glanced down at her watch again. She had really killed time. It was already 1:49. Oh, Merlin, it was already 1:49! Lily started breathing heavily, nearly at the point of hyperventilating, at the mere thought of going through with her plan. She felt nervous, overwhelmed, frightened, and near the point of hysteria. Lily took several heaving breaths to calm herself down, wishing that her muggle mum was there with her paper bag she always proclaimed was "just as good as magic." At 1:54, Lily started pacing across her dorm, too stressed out to care about waking up any of the girls. She muttered odd things to herself, twisting her fingers and biting her lip, her two worst habits. Finally, at 1:58, Lily took a deep breath and walked out of her dorm.

The trip down the stairs took a lot longer than usual. She was fully aware of how her weight shifted as each foot collided with new ground. In the back of her brain, Lily cursed herself for still wearing her heels. The thought did not fully register, however. Lily was focusing too hard on not throwing up, running back up the stairs, or, perhaps, both. Her hand, still shaking, felt clammy against the railing. Her other was tightly grasping her wand, as though making sure it was still there. The steps seemed to go on forever, although Lily was nearly sprinting down them.

Finally, she reached the bottom and entered the Common Room. There was a lone figure standing with his back towards her, facing the most prominent fireplace in the room. He, of course, had extremely untidy hair. Lily's legs seemed to long to go back up the stairs and forget this whole thing, but she forced herself towards the boy. Before he could notice her presence, Lily deftly aimed her wand at the ceiling above him. After silently performing a charm she had spent weeks poring over books trying to find, Lily moved nearer to James.

He heard her approach and he turned around, a gigantic smile engulfing his face. "Lily!" he said excitedly. "I thought you weren't going to come!"

"Why wouldn't I come, James?" Lily asked, following suit with his usage of first names. It still felt weird on her lips. She had been calling him "Potter" for so long. Lily attempted a smile. She wondered if he could hear her voice shaking. Surely, he must be able to see her fingers quivering.

He did. "Are you cold, Lily?" he asked, concerned. "You should move closer to the fire."

With a longing look towards the stairs, Lily obliged. She was much warmer by the fire, despite how low and feeble the flames looked. Lily mused that the heat was coming from James, not the flames. Lily presumed it was a result of just how enormous he was. He had always been tall, though Lily guessed he had grown even a couple more inches taller than his six-foot stature. However, unlike past years, James no longer had knobby knees or a thin frame. This was clearly evident by his outfit. Like Lily, he had also forgone his robes for just his uniform shirt and pants. His tie hung loosely around his neck. James had transformed from a 15-year-old boy into a muscled, young man in just one summer. Lily found herself enjoying this physical change immensely, though she knew it was only his appearance she admired.

This fact was validated when he opened his mouth again. "So, Lily, why did you want to meet me so badly here, alone, in the middle of the night?" he asked, his voice thick with implications.

"Well, James," Lily began, rummaging through her brain for the right answer. "I realized a few things over the summer." Lily grinned at the end of her answer. It was vague, but she knew he would twist it around to make it about him.

"Finally figured out how devilishly handsome I am?" he asked with a crooked grin.

Lily laughed falsely. "Right on the nose," she replied, gently gliding her fingertips over his nose as she said it.

He gulped audibly. The movement of his Adam's apple gave Lily a sick kind of satisfaction; she was making him nervous. "You know I was just joking," he said lightly.

"I wasn't," Lily replied, moving closer still. She was not sure if this was a lie or the truth. He had grown rather attractive. This close, she could see the shine in his hair and the gold specks in his hazel eyes, hidden by spectacles.

"Really?" James asked, taking a step towards her. His eyes were hopeful. They were sparkling, swirling with different colors. Lily suddenly had a dislike for all other shades. Hazel, with all of its complexities, was the only color that was worth compliment.

"Really," Lily answered, inching closer to him.

"Good," James breathed before closing the gap between them.

His lips were soft, passionate, eager, but not demanding, and, most of all, warm. Her eyes fluttered close, and she breathed in his wonderful boy scent. Lily could not suppress a sigh as he pulled her even closer into his chest. James took the opportunity to slide his tongue into her mouth, exploring its contents. To Lily's surprise, this action did not repulse her at all. Quite the opposite, she welcomed it, yearned for him to do so, really. Her hands traveled on their own accord up to his hair and played with his untidy locks, which were almost as a soft as his lips.

Lily felt like her body was malfunctioning. Her blood coursed through her like electricity, but her body felt like it was on fire. Her senses were smoldering. Her entire body was tingling. Every nerve, every cell was reacting to him, molding to his touch. It was like her body craved his. She could think of nothing else but how exhilarating it was to kiss James Potter. She was in ecstasy. All too soon, he broke away. Lily muttered pleading sounds, begging for him to kiss her again. He did, but not her on her lips. Lily did not have time to protest. His lips grazed her neck, sucking on it, and even pulling on the sensitive skin lightly with his teeth. Lily's erratic breathing hitched, and she tilted her head to give him more room. His lips trailed up to her ear, and Lily found that she could not even formulate a coherent thought.

Luckily, James decided to do the talking. "Oh, Lily," he whispered her name between kisses. "You have no idea how much this means to me," his lips moved back down slowly to her neck, and she could feel his hot breath against her skin. His fingers played with her curls, running through the strands at a tantalizingly slow speed. "I know that I've always been such a prat to you, but now that you have finally given me a chance. I have changed. I'm not that git who used to pester you all the time. I spent the summer becoming better for you. And now, being with you, it means everything."

Lily had to bite her lips at these words. Not only was he saying all of these perfect things to her, but he was being completely honest and sincere. Lily had never heard anyone speak with less sarcasm. Her body ached to tell him how much the kiss meant to her, as well. To curl up into his arms and be his, the way he wanted her to be. The way she wanted to be. Lily gazed upwards. The bucket levitating above their heads was glowing. She only had thirty seconds left.

James pulled away, his lips finally tearing away from her. "Lily," he said, gazing into her eyes, too joyful to see the subtle tears forming in her green orbs. "I love you."

Lily could not reply. She merely forced her lips back onto his, trying to memorize the way they moved together in harmony. Silent tears fell down her face as she savored the sweet kiss. Unable to take the stabbing pain anymore, Lily pulled back. He reluctantly let go of her, his enormous smile fading as he saw her tortured expression. He gazed at her perplexedly.

"James," Lily breathed, still a tad dizzy from the kiss. Her fingers traced his face, reveling in the contours they ran over. She forced her hand away from him, no longer able to tolerate the feeling of contentment he gave her when she felt so disgusted with herself. "James, I---" she began, her voice cracking.

She could not finish her statement. The bucket overhead tilted, magically aiming its contents at its prearranged target. As the slime fell down, a recording of Lily's voice yelled "Revenge is sweet, Potter!" James stood now, covered in bubotuber pus, still staring at her, dumbfounded. Lily felt the tears as they slid down her cheeks while she watched his mind process what had just occurred. The hurt in his eyes was undeniable. She had never seen him look so sad, so betrayed. A single tear escaped from his right eye and ran down his cheek.

Lily could not bear to look at him anymore. She ran up the stairs as fast as she could. She tripped halfway up, but she just kept on running. When she finally reached her dormitory, she swung open the door, scurried to her bed, and bawled into her pillow.

The night passed very slowly. Lily never slept. Her eyes grew puffy and red, but she could not stop the tears. It was like her eyes were connected to a vast ocean, the tears never ceased. Lily's chagrin cut deep, like she had been stabbed a thousand times. She had never wanted to become one of the countless many girls who cried over James Potter. This was worse, much worse. Lily was crying because she had just done something horrible enough to make even James Potter cry.

A/N: sorry!!!!


	4. The Aftermath

A/N: hi, guys! tis me. i would like to dedicate this chapter to anyone who has ever done something really stupid before. plus, i found great motivation for this chapter (and the whole story really) from the song "scratch" by kendall payne. i'd give it a listen.

The Aftermath

~the embodiment of be careful what you wish for~

The night was long. The first few hours passed bleakly as Lily wept into her pillow, quietly, of course. She could not risk waking up any of her dorm mates. That would lead to questions, and just right then, she did not have any answers.

The rest of the night passed impossibly slower. Lily's tear ducts failed her at around five, thus, turning her tears into dry, heaving sobs. Hysteria hit her then, and it took twenty minutes to stop the hyperventilating.

Lily was torn. She did not want to think of him and what he was feeling. The image of his hurt expression, however, seemed to be permanently etched into her memory. She could recall with perfect clarity the beginnings of a frown on his swollen lips and the droop of his hair from the bubotuber pus. His eyes, which had been aglow with happiness, had flashed with intuition. Then, they were just shocked and pained. He had looked like he was in so much pain, like he had been hit by a fist, or worse, a bludger, right in the chest where his heart should be. He had looked like the pain could go on forever, never letting up; the pain would always be there. It was a ten, this pain. A constant ten.

Lily could relate. No matter how much she tried to not think of him, he was incessantly intruding in on her thoughts. It was like her lungs had this huge pressure on them. An invisible Hagrid must be sitting on her chest. Every breath hurt, and the sobs just kept coming.

At six-thirty, the sun started to rise. Lily opened the curtains to her four-poster bed and had to shield her eyes. The light hurt; it was far too bright. Lily changed her clothes slowly, not really caring what she threw on, and tried to make as little noise as possible. She walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

Looking into the mirror, a ghastly sight stood before her. The girl looked worse than death. Her face was pale and sallow looking, and her lips were white and chapped. The eyes were dull and lifeless, surrounded by many red rings, which emphasized their inflammation. Long streaks of black mascara ran down her cheeks, making her look like some kind of monster.

Lily took in her reflection before she abruptly turned on the faucet and then frantically started to rub her face. Her fingers were rough and it felt like she was trying to chafe her skin rather than clean it. This new pain felt good, though. It cleared her head for a few seconds; she welcomed it. It briefly made her forget about the other pain.

Finally, before any of the girls could wake up and notice her, Lily escaped the dorm. Forgetting to be quiet, Lily scurried down the stairs as fast as she could, trying and failing to avert her eyes from where it had happened. She rushed towards the Portrait Hole and exited the Common Room.

Once in the corridor, Lily took a deep breath. It was the first time she finally felt like she could really feel the oxygen flow through her. Lily wrapped her cloak around herself and tried to decide where she would go. She contemplated going to the owlery, but she did not know what she would do there. Charm would peck at her affectionately, something Lily felt she did not deserve, and Lily had no letter to send. There was no good news to send home.

She finally decided to head outside. The lake would do as scenery. Lily walked across the grounds and settled herself under the old birch tree. The lake looked darker than usually this morning, like a mass of blackness. It was unseasonably chilly for only September. The water seemed stagnant and endless. It must be very cold. Lily wondered what would happen if she waded into it and let the water work its magic. Would anyone save her? Would anyone want to?

Lily berated herself. No matter how dreadful she felt, that was not a solution. She scolded herself for even thinking of it. Alice would care.

Alice! Lily needed to find Alice. She could fix this. Alice could fix anything. Lily shot up and hurried towards the castle. Where would Alice be? Lily glanced down at her watch. It was around eight now. Alice would be at breakfast, which meant the Great Hall. Lily grimaced. If she went down to the Great Hall, everyone would be there. They would see her and know things were different. There was no way she could possibly look the as she did yesterday---not after…..

Still, Lily had to see Alice. It was more of need at this point than a simple desire. Nodding, as though to reassure herself, Lily ventured back towards the castle.

The Great Hall looked, impossibly, exactly the same as it did on most mornings at Hogwarts. People chattered over toast and pumpkin juice as they perused their new schedules and examined the post. There was, however, one discernable difference. The Marauders were nowhere to be found. Lily pushed this from her mind, attempting to not let it bother her. It did.

She spotted Alice sitting at their usual spot at the Gryffindor table. Frank was sitting opposite her in Lily's usual seat. They were laughing at some joke that Alice probably told. Her smile was huge and her eyes were sparkling with delight. Lily smiled poignantly to herself. She really did love him, and by the looks of it, he loved her back. If only all relationships could be so simple, Lily thought, sighing heavily to herself.

As much as she wanted to go talk to Alice, she could not bring herself to ruin her friend's happiness. Her feet felt like lead, unable to be moved. She strained against her muscles and forced herself to turn around. Lily did not know where she was going. She did not want to be alone, yet she did not want to explain her current state to anyone. Finally, she decided to just leave the Great Hall. She could decide things from there and take it one step at a time. Everything seemed so hard; it was a struggle to just keep breathing.

Lily walked out of the Great Hall and turned east. Her legs were unconsciously steering her towards the Gryffindor Tower. Lily blanched. She did not want to go back there. She doubled back and then ran headfirst into a solid figure.

"Sorry," Lily mumbled, keeping her head down.

"Sorry," the mass echoed her, laughing. The sound was male and harsh. There was not an ounce of humor in the sound. Lily knew that voice. She looked up.

"Sirius," she breathed.

"Evans," he nearly growled back at her. His normally smiling features shaped such a look of disgust and repulsion that Lily actually stepped back in response. His teeth were bared almost like a dog's would before an intruder.

"I—I—" stammered Lily.

"What did you do to him?" Sirius demanded. His bellow echoed through the corridor.

"I—" Lily repeated again. Tears formed in her eyes, and she could not seem to form a coherent sentence. She looked up at his face with watery eyes and repeated her stuttering.

"What did you do?" he roared again. His hands grasped around her arms so tight she thought he might leave a bruise, and he began to shake her. "Tell me what you did."

Lily was so paralyzed with fear that she could not say anything; all she could do was stare into his gray eyes with fear.

"Sirius," Remus said calmly yet forcefully as he entered the scene. "Let her go."

"No," Sirius refused, still focused on Lily. "She did something to James, and I need to know what it was."

"If he's not going to tell us, I doubt she will," Remus observed.

Lily took in a sharp breath. He had not said anything.

"She will if I make her," Sirius growled.

Remus strode towards the pair and grabbed Sirius by the elbow. "Stop it, Sirius. Hurting her isn't going to help James or you."

"It's her fault. I can feel it," protested Sirius, who thrust his finger at Lily. She cowered and sunk back into the wall behind her.

"Be that as it may, you shouldn't do this. You'd be no better than one of them."

Sirius sighed and pinched his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "You're right," he conceded finally. He turned towards Lily and gave her the coldest look he could muster. Then he pivoted and briskly walked down the corridor.

Remus turned to Lily with weary, tired eyes.

"Remus," Lily choked through the tears that were running freely down her cheeks.

He held up a hand to silence her.

"I don't want to hear it," he said coldly. "Frankly, I don't give a damn what your issues are. Part of me wanted Sirius to pummel you. One of my best friends is in the hospital wing right now because of you, and he is in too much pain to tell us why. He probably never will. You have broken him to a degree that I did not know was possible. Are you happy now? He won't be bothering you anymore. Satisfied?" he asked bitterly.

Lily looked down at her shoes, tears still brimming from her eyes.

Remus took a step towards her. "He's a good guy. He doesn't deserve this." Then, he, too, turned and strode away.

Lily's body crumbled against the wall. She stuck her head between her knees and began to sob.

Eventually, she felt warm arms being wrapped around her.

"Shh," she heard a consoling voice say.

Lily gazed up. "Alice," she replied.

Alice tucked Lily into her arms. "It's to be okay," Alice assured her as she rubbed her friends back in small circles.

"No," stated Lily. "It's never going to be okay."

A week later, Lily was walking back to the Gryffindor Tower from dinner alone. Alice had to meet with Frank. This made Lily feel slightly better. Alice had yet to leave her alone for more than five minutes since she had found her crying in the corridor. Her presence, although it made things just above unbearable, constantly reminded Lily of why she needed to be watched. Now Lily had at least showed signs of having enough mental health to be left to her own devices. Even if part of that sanity was feigned, Alice's absence alleviated some of the tremendous guilt.

Lily meandered through the corridors, wandering through the halls of the school. Rumors had been flying throughout the week. Still, nobody knew for sure what had happened. Lily had not even told Alice. It was just between her and….

Without meaning to, Lily found herself at the entrance to the Hospital Wing. He was still there. Lily battled with the notion of walking in. She knew she shouldn't, but a part of her needed to. Finally, she lost her inner battle and peeked through the window of the door. All of the beds were empty except for one. It was covered by a screen to prevent any outsiders from looking in.

Lily pressed her palm up against the window. Her fingers curled into a fist, and she had to turn away.

Later, after closing her bed curtains and performing a silencing charm, Lily cried the night away.

A/N: sorry about the sadness of the chapter. it's the nature of revenge, i suppose. on a lighter note, the story does pick up from here. however, i do think it is important to express the guilt and just the shock of how one feels after he or she does something terrible (see last chapter! ---by the way, loved the reviews that got all mad at me---and that's not sarcasm. i'm sick :D) oh! and i'm a trusted author now! very exciting! love my best friend charm, and (since i know you are dreadfully depressed right now) read my one-shot "the letter j." it'll prove i'm not as sadistic as i appear.


	5. The Silence

Chapter Five

The Silence

~It looks quiet. It's not. It's deafening.~

Sixth year passed by torturously slow. Lily cut emotion out of her life the best she could. She concentrated on her schoolwork, earning better grades than she had ever received before, though she had always been first in her year, except for Transfiguration. He had always excelled in that arena.

Time faded monotonously. Despite her inability to recall anything particularly significant from her months at school, every single minute of every single hour seemed to have dragged on like she was stuck in a perpetual timeturner state. The end of the school year came as an extreme relief. Hogwarts did not feel like home anymore; it contained too many painful memories. Almost everything reminded Lily of him. He had once asked her out in that corridor or pranked some First Years by that bathroom. Lily could not even glance at the Quidditch Pitch.

He had returned to classes about two weeks after it had happened. Like Lily, he seemed to be trudging through life each day. He was not really all there, just going through the motions to appease the people around him. Only he had a reason to behave like a zombie. Lily was that cause.

Her mum did not say much to her on the car ride back home. Lily focused on the blaring sound of the car's air conditioner and the grubbiness of the graffiti on the highway walls as they zoomed past the roads. These distractions could not help her to miss the way her mother's eyebrows furrowed together in worry. Lily wrenched her hands together as the incessant ride continued.

Once home, Lily meticulously unpacked her trunk, placing each item exactly where it had been in her room the previous summer. That only took an hour. Lily decided to curl onto her familiar bed and worm her way into the covers. She stared blankly at the ceiling until her mum called her down to dinner.

Her mum's smile spread across her entire face like the red makeup of a clown's beatific grin as she greeted Lily to the table. She had prepared Lily's favorite meal: baked chicken with mashed potatoes and plenty of rolls. Lily attempted to smile back. It felt unnatural. The edges of her mouth strained from the lack of practice. She ate her food listlessly as her mum and dad chatted away garrulously about inconsequential things like the weather or the leaky sink downstairs that needed fixing. Occasionally, they would glance at her anxiously or ask her a question about school. Lily kept her answers as succinct as possible.

Petunia ignored her sister and her parents as she ate her own meal (she was on yet another diet ---this one involved mangos) before she rushed off to go out with Vernon. Lily scoffed mentally. More like Vermin. Lily smirked to herself. It was the first joke she had made in a long time, even if it was merely sarcasm. Her mum gazed at her oddly as she noticed the smirk still on Lily's lips. Lily immediately frowned again and slunk back into her chair.

"Did you want to say something, sweetie?" he father coaxed gently.

"No," Lily whispered. "No, I don't."

After dinner, Lily lingered on the stairs as she eavesdropped in on her parents' conversation from inside the kitchen.

"I want to ask her what's wrong," she heard her mum state firmly.

"No, she's probably just tired. Give her another day to adjust. I'm sure she'll be back to our normal Lily tomorrow," her father suggested in a soothing voice.

"A tired person yawns and has rings around her eyes. Have you seen Lily's eyes? They look dead."

"Something probably happened at school."

"Yes, and as her mother, I have the right to know."

"It's probably about that boy she's always spouting off about. What's his name again?"

"James Potter," her mother answered. Lily could hear the smile in her voice. "She always did come home whining about that boy. Maybe she finally realized she is just as infatuated with him as he is with her."

"Do you really think Lily came home this way because of some boy?" her father asked doubtfully.

"Never underestimate the power of a boy on a teenage girl's psyche, dear," her mum answered gravely.

"I wonder what he did to her."

Lily gasped and ran upstairs. She could not listen anymore.

Over her summer holidays, Lily got better at faking her normal disposition. The lines of worry on her mother's forehead diminished as Lily's insincere smiles became more credible, though they never quite reached her eyes. She kept to herself mostly, choosing to stay cocooned in her room as she persisted she was still not yet done with her summer work that she had finished merely a week after she had returned home.

Reading, which had always been a favorite past time of Lily's, occupied some of her innumerable amount of time. Most of the novels in her collection were unreadable, however. They contained far too much romanticism. She stuck to textbooks. Cold facts and theoretical measurements became her friends.

Lily maintained her correspondence with Alice via the godsend Charm. Reading Alice's letters made Lily feel almost like her old self again. Lily did not know how she would survive the upcoming year without her best friend by her side. It was like trying to live without her soul, which was how Lily viewed Alice now. She was the only piece of Lily that was still breathing. Alice's tales always babbled on about her disaster with a hair-straightening potion or her latest quirky escapade with her soon-to-be-boyfriend-of-a-year Frank. They were so in love. It made Lily's fragile heart swell and ache at the same time.

Her most recent letter, crinkled and dirty from its countless rereading, lay on Lily's nightstand.

_Lily!!! ___

_I never thought not returning to Hogwarts would be so exciting! Seriously, I imagined tears, intense wistfulness (and quite possibly a few intense tantrums), and possibly stowing myself in your trunk. Yet, I can't even imagine leaving Frank for more than a day now. It's so marvelous that we are both in Auror training together. I mean, Moody can be a big, bloody git, but that doesn't stop Frank and me from having the occasional snog session when he's not looking. Though, with that new eye of his, I'm not sure if he's ever not looking. Nevertheless, my darling Lils, life is not complete without you here. So get your butt back to school and learn, so you can join me out here in the real world. ___

_Speaking of school, have an amazing time this year, Lily. I know last year was not the best (not that I was a fat load of help by always being off with Frank), but everything can change over the summer if you let it. I want you to go out there and make all the boys fall in love with your fiery red locks and killer legs (curse you for not being a midget like me!). You need to let things go and enjoy life again. ___

_Listen to me ramble. Or read, I suppose. Isn't that odd? It's so natural to say listen, even if you are writing. Sweet Merlin, I'm doing it again. Ahh…that's why you love me. Well, I think I have wasted enough of your precious avoiding your family time, so I best be off. I love you! Never forget that! ___

_Your best friend in the entire world who dearly misses you, __  
__Alice _

Nearly midway through August as she was sitting down to breakfast, Lily received post from a different source. She eyed the Hogwarts seal swiftly and set it aside on the kitchen table, already knowing what the contents stated. Her mum picked up the letter and examined its contents. She scanned the letter and then looked at her daughter with such a glow of pride that Lily was taken aback.

"Lily!" her mum squealed. "You're Head Girl!"

Lily remained frigid underneath her mother's arms. Head Girl? Her? Really? Although Lily had been a Prefect, she had never thought for one second that Dumbledore, or anyone at Hogwarts for that matter, would pick her for Head Girl. It was a leadership position, and, lately, Lily preferred to keep to the shadows.

"This is such fabulous news," her mum continued to gush in a giddy voice. "You just wait till I tell your father and your sister. They'll be so thrilled to hear that our Lily has been made Head Girl. Oh! I'm going to get you a present. Anything you want you can have this weekend at Diagon Alley when we get your books." She squeezed Lily with another bone-crushing hug. "Oh, Lily," she squealed into Lily's hair.

Her mum talked of nothing else besides her new appointment for days. Not even Lily's morose behavior could eradicate the goofy smile from her mum's face. The weekend came as a relief because Lily was finally able to escape her mother's ecstasy, even if it was just for a few hours. Lily was lucky enough be perusing Diagon Alley alone. Petunia had pointblank refused to come, so Lily offered to fly solo. Miraculously, her notion was approved by the parentals, though Lily suspected her dad must have gagged her mum to make it plausible.

Lily passed from store to store, crossing items off her list as she went. She spent a lot of time in Madam Malkin's because all of her old robes had grown too tattered and short to be worn in public anymore.

Occasionally, she passed some of her fellow classmates. They would wave or smile at her, and Lily would acknowledge them back. No one felt the urge to actually converse with her, which was very fortunate. Even more fortuitous, she did not run into a single Marauder the entire day. She had never been more grateful.

Finished with all her purchasing and having stalled as long as she could before she absolutely had to return home, Lily meandered back towards the Leaky Cauldron. As she walked, she passed a wee, little pet shop she had never noticed before. Contemplating, Lily stared at the entrance for a few seconds before she nodded to her self and walked into the store. Inside, animals squawked vociferously and rattled around in their cages. Customers stood in large bulks that blocked the narrow aisles. The few staff members looked harried and a bit frantic.

Lily wormed her way to the corner of the store where the owls seem to be kept. Her mum had said Lily could get a present, and Lily definitely needed a friend. Besides, Lily's new owl could keep Charm company. Lily scrutinized the owls closely. Most were either flapping loudly or sticking their pointy beaks out of their cages to attract her attention. One small g Lily gray one, however, was doing nothing at all. It looked like it wished it could be anywhere but there. Lily walked over to it. She lifted up the cage and brought the bird up to her face. It hooted a timid greeting at her. Lily gazed into its wide eyes and whispered to the owl, "I'll call you Alma."

On the morning of September First, Lily awoke with a sense of dread coursing through her body. She sighed sullenly and then braced herself to face her eminent doom. After she finished getting dressed and packing her last-minute items, Lily went downstairs into the kitchen to eat breakfast.

"Good morning, Lily, dear," her mum greeted her cheerfully with a huge smile plastered across her face.

Lily tired her best not grimace as she mumbled "Morning" back to her.

Nearly two hours of forced small talk and parental disappointment passed before Lily arrived at Kings' Cross station with her belongings loaded onto a trolley and Alma's cage rattling in her hand as the bird hooted hysterically. "Shh," Lily whispered to her soothingly. "There's nothing to be afraid of. Nothing is going to hurt you."

Lily's mum put on quite a scene once they reached the platform. Many tearful hugs, words, and worried glances were exchanged. Lily sighed audibly in relief once she was alone in front of the gleaming Hogwarts Express.

"Bye, Mum," Lily whispered to the barrier before walking towards the train with a deep, reassuring breath. The train station was practically deserted; Lily had purposely arrived nearly two hours before the departure time. She had told her mum it was to be prudent on her first official days as Head Girl, but Lily really only wanted to avoid the throngs of students.

Silently, she slowly boarded the train and dragged her luggage to the necessary compartment. Lily decided to keep Alma with her as she searched for the Heads' Compartment. She found it rather easily (it was at the head of the train) and opened the door. Its hinges squeaked; Lily winced at the sound. She shut it very quietly behind her and turned around to take in her surroundings. Lily startled when she saw a figured curled in a ball in the far corner of the compartment. She guessed he was male, but she could not determine his identity because his face was hidden by his cloak.

The boy had barely shifted when she had entered. Lily understood. Sometimes a person can be so troubled with what's going inside of herself that she does not notice her environment. Too conscious of the fact that she had not moved since her arrival to the compartment, Lily bit her lip nervously. She watched the immobile boy for a while before she decided to cautiously approach him.

She could recall that Remus often sat that way. He was often ill and had a wonderful gift of being able to sleep on trains. She figured she might as well get the necessary pleasantries out of the way. Tapping him lightly on the shoulder with the slightest pressure from her fingertips, Lily said softly, "You must be the Head Boy."

He jumped at her touch and his cloak fell down. Lily gasped. Those hazels eyes had been forever ingrained into her memory; they haunted Lily in both the light and dark hours. "James," Lily breathed in shock.

In a flash he covered himself back up with his cloak. Lily backed away and sat down at the farthest spot possible from him and set Alma down next to her. Lily tried to force her thoughts to any other topic, but her eyes and her thoughts kept straying to the owner of the small patch of untidy black hair that was not masked by the cloak.

Lily fought the urge to say something as the seconds ticked by. She had barely talked all summer, for an entire year, and now she wanted to do nothing more than speak. Finally, she blurted out, "James, I'm so sor---"

"Don't," he cut her off. His voice was rough and harsh. "Don't bother, Evans."

Lily flinched at the snarling quality he possessed when he uttered her surname with malice and an undertone of deep pain.

Then, though she had not thought it possible, he leaned himself even further away from her. Lily's body went slack and a single tear streamed down her cheek, but she hastily brushed away the evidence with the back of her hand. She had spent the past year in such a silence that the voice screaming in her head to talk to the boy across from her was creating a din that prevented any coherent thought. Biting her lips, Lily stared at James as she wondered how long she could remain silent.

A/N: there's chapter five. sorry it was kinda a bummer as well. i thought it would be happier for some reason. it kind of is. but not really. the story will pick up, though. next chapter things will get better. i'm excited. you should be too. i hope you guys are enjoying your fall (my favorite season). i'm having fun, but school has been a tad intense. hence the lateness and sporadicness of chapters. here's a quick hi to charm! i miss you! see you guys at chapter six! and in the meantime, watch old firefly episodes online. FANTASTIC show.

love,  
molly


	6. The Awkwardness

The Awkwardness

Lily fidgeted with her hands, which were failing to rest peacefully in her lap. She peeked askance at the crouched figure opposite her through the strands of her red hair before hurriedly looking the other way out the window. Through the glass she could see the students both eagerly and miserably saying their goodbyes to their families. The envious chatter outside contrasted almost humorously with the stillness in her own compartment. She had made not even the slightest attempt at conversation since he had silenced her before. He, too, remained silent.

The quiet unnerved Lily, who began to feel as though the mere blinking of her eyelashes caused too much noise. She struggled with herself for five more minutes before saying in a timid voice, "Ja---" Flinching at the way he shifted ever so slightly at even the beginning of his name, she stopped abruptly. Avoiding any nomenclature this time, she began again.

"Maybe we should go get ready to address the Prefects," Lily whispered. It sounded more like a question than a suggestion. He titled his head down just enough that Lily was not sure if it would be too optimistic to consider the movement a nod. Regardless, he, never even glancing at her, stood up in one fluid motion and exited the room.

After a few seconds' pause in which to scan the room, as though she had left something precious behind that she really wanted, no needed, back, Lily also rose and followed him out of the compartment.

Lily sighed in relief when she entered the Prefects' compartment. Glancing around at all the faces of the Fifth, Sixth, and Seventh Year Prefects, she thanked Merlin for buffers. They stopped chatting when they saw her walked over to where James was standing in the front of the room. She gulped as she noticed their expectant faces.

"Err…" Lily began hesitantly. She did not have the foggiest idea what to say to the roomful of people. She should have prepared a speech. After all that immeasurable amount of idle time she endured over the summer, why hadn't she bothered to write a speech?

"Professor Dumbledore has entrusted us with the wellbeing of Hogwarts," James said, cutting off a very taken aback Lily. She turned to look at him. He was speaking at a normal level but with such a sense of control. His presence was compelling. Everyone, including herself, was staring at him with rapt attention.

"You and the people sitting next to you must work together this year to keep everything running smoothly. This includes punishing any rule-breaking, aiding younger students, and helping plan school events. At all times you are expected to present yourselves as positive role models. You reflect not only the Head Students but also Dumbledore and Hogwarts school, itself."

Lily chose to observe him rather than really absorb his meaning as he spoke of responsibility and respectability. He was standing up straight, which made him seem very tall. His build had always been muscular from his obsession with Quidditch. Still, speaking the way he was, he seemed to exude even more power and leadership than he normally did. Yet, there was something hollow in his voice. He did not sound like the cocky Gryffindor Quidditch Captain she had once come to love. This difference, however, did not affect her feelings.

"As for patrolling," James continued in that same voice. "Schedules will be handed out by the end of the week. You will always travel in pairs on rotating schedules. The Head Girl and I---" he paused very briefly to glance at Lily, though he avoided her eyes. "We will be patrolling together every night just in case something would ever happen. If you have any questions, you can ask one of us, and we will try our best to clear things up. Remember to keep an eye on the compartments and help your First Years find everything. It can be a daunting feeling, embarking on a new place. Try to help them."

He nodded to the group before exiting the compartment. Dumbfounded, Lily stared after him.

"I guess you can all leave now," Lily said uncertainly to the group. They grinned and rustled with their belongings as a welcomed chatter flourished in the compartment.

Lily left the room in a stupor and entered the Heads' Compartment in a daze. James was missing; Lily sighed in relief. She sat down and pulled her knees to her chest. Looking at Alma, Lily said, "That was really unexpected."

A part of Lily waited anxiously for James to return, and the other, more sensible part of her, scolded her for wanting to see him again. Regardless, Lily did not see James for the rest of the train ride. She supposed he had found his friends after the meeting. It seemed the thing to do.

Upon arriving at Hogwarts, Lily exited the train and inhaled the cold night air. A smile crept onto her face involuntarily. She could not help loving Hogwarts. She had missed it so. After reveling in the sight of the castle's silhouette, Lily escorted the frightened First Years to Hagrid.

"Lily!" his booming voiced called.

"Hi, Hagrid!" she greeted him back.

"Heard you made Head Girl! Bloody brilliant!"

"Thanks," Lily replied, blushing despite herself.

"Make sure you come down to me hut for a cuppa'."

"I will," Lily assured him, hiding a grimace as she remembered almost breaking a tooth the last time she had tried one of his cakes.

"See you then," he called. Then in an impossibly louder voice, he shouted, "Firs' Years! Firs' Years!"

Lily waved goodbye and went to search for a carriage. Most of the students had already left, and she managed to obtain one all for herself. Lily smiled at the irony. Even though she was surrounded by her classmates, she still ended up being alone.

In the relatively short journey to the castle, Lily made up her mind. There was no use in living in guilt for the rest of her life. She did a terrible thing. There was no denying that. Yet, terrible things did not need to constantly hover over everything. She could make amends. She had to make amends. James Potter might be broken now, but Lily could fix him. And by doing so, she could fix herself.

Fortified by her realization, Lily entered the Great Hall with a new optimism. People were buzzing around and excitedly chatting with their friends. Lily positioned herself in the middle of the Gryffindor table next to some other Seventh Year girls. They were giggling about the motorcycle Sirius had driven into the station. Lily rolled her eyes, but enjoyed feeling like a normal girl as the girls gushed about boys throughout the entire sorting.

She listened to Dumbledore's speech with rapt attention, not wanting to disprove the silver badge gleaming on her robes. He spoke eloquently, as always, of new beginnings and fresh starts.

When food miraculously appeared on the table, Lily eagerly heaped as much as she could fit onto her golden plate and began to eat with relish. It had been a long time since she had really tasted food. With her mouth very full, Lily chose to listen to the conversations around her rather than to take part. Most dealt with summer experiences. One girl had spent the entire summer in Rome and saw the site where the first wizard had accidentally conjured a gelato instead of ice, thus creating one of the most heavenly desserts known to wizardkind. Another girl had visited Australia and recounted her experience with a pesky grindylow that the muggles had thought was a jellyfish.

Lily could not help but notice that everyone at the table, in fact, everyone in the Great Hall, would glance at James where he was sitting with the rest of the Marauders at the far end of the Gryffindor table. Lily rustled up her courage and asked the girl sitting next to her why everyone was staring at him.

"You mean you don't know?" she asked in a scandalized voice. Whether her tone was caused by the question or the mere fact that Lily had spoken, Lily did not know. "It was all over the news!"

"My parents are muggles," Lily explained in an apologetic voice. "I don't get the _Daily Prophet_ when I'm not at Hogwarts."

"His parents were killed over the summer," the girl explained in an obnoxious whisper.

"What?" Lily asked. Her voice sounded like a cross between a gasp and a cry. "No. That's not possible."

"Well, I guess it must be. His parents were real important Ministry officials, aurors, I think. That guy, his name is You-What's-His-Name. I can never remember it. I guess everyone must forget it, too. Anyway, they went to the Potter Mansion and killed Mr. and Mrs. Potter."

"When?" Lily breathed.

"Two days ago."

"Two days?" Lily's head seemed like it was spinning. She could not believe this. She had thought James had appeared so sad because of what she had done to him. How conceited could she be? His problems were much worse than she could have ever foreseen.

"It's a real shame. Still, I bet this means James needs someone to comfort him," she finished with a giggle.

Lily tuned the girl out with disgust. The idea that she would take advantage of James was nauseating, especially considering she had as much brains as the potatoes in front of her.

Lily looked down the table to quickly glance at the Marauders, but she found that she could not look away. James looked so sad. He was sitting next to Sirius who was attempting to cheer him up with a joke as he threw his arm over his shoulder in a very brotherly manner. Lily watched them for nearly ten minutes before Remus seemed to notice her gaze and looked at her strangely. Sirius joined in and tensed into a protective position to shield James from her.

Lily quickly became interested with her hands in her lap. As she was no longer hungry, the rest of the feast passed impossibly slowly. Once the feast finally concluded, Lily rushed out of her seat and headed towards the door.

"Miss Evans!" she heard a voice call from behind her. Lily, recognizing the voice immediately, turned around and walked back a bit sheepishly.

"Hello, Professor Dumbledore," she said politely.

"Hello, Miss Evans. You were leaving rather quickly. I hope you are not feeling sick," he said in a caring tone.

"Oh, not at all, sir. I'm just feeling a tad tired. I'm sorry."

"That's quite all right, Miss Evans," he replied. "Even the best of us can surrender to drowsiness after turkey, especially from the fine ones prepared for us tonight. Though, I do think it's best for me to show you where you will sleep this term before you rush off to bed. It makes things much more logical, I believe," he added, his blue eyes twinkling behind his half-moon spectacles.

"Yes, sir," Lily agreed.

"Now, if we can just find Mr. Potter, I can escort you both to your new dorm."

"I'm right here, Professor."

Dumbledore and Lily turned around to see him walking towards them, though the old man managed to do so with much more aplomb; Lily was fairly certain that her jaw had dropped. She shut it quickly.

"Yes, hello, Mr. Potter. It is good to see you," Dumbledore said gently.

"And you, sir," James returned quietly.

Lily noticed that there were dark circles around his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in, well, two days.

"Now that you both are here, I would like to extend to you my deepest congratulations for being appointed Head Boy and Head Girl. As I sure you are aware, your year has many extremely talented witches and wizards. Being selected is an honor, and I am sure that your loved ones are very proud."

Dumbledore addressed the last part to James, who swallowed, and then said, "Thank you, sir."

Dumbledore continued to explain rules and expectations as he guided the pair to their new dorm, which was located near his own office.

"The password for now is '_Vindicare_,' but you are entitled to change it at your discretion."

"Thank you, Professor Dumbledore," Lily said.

"Stick together when you patrol," he advised the two students. "I find it is always best to have two pairs of eyes if one desires to see more."

"We will, Professor," Lily assured him.

"Have a pleasant night and welcome back, Miss Evans, Mr. Potter," he acknowledged each of them separately before departing.

Lily, fiddling with her fingers and biting her lip, stood outside the portrait of a flamboyant-looking wizard next to a boy she had never been more confused about. The entire moment would have been outlandishly ridiculous if only she had not felt so insanely awkward.

She opened her mouth to say something when James said, "_Vindicare,_" and the portrait opened. Lily stared at him shamelessly. The word, something Latin she supposed, sounded so beautiful coming from his lips. It flowed in a way she had never heard a word spoken before. It was like music, or rather, an entire symphony of sound.

Lily shook her head. She was being silly. James had already entered the dorm, and she was standing outside gaping idiotically at the space he had once occupied. Lily hoisted herself into the dorm and looked around.

It was nicely adorned; there was less Gryffindor memorabilia than her former residence, most likely to discourage bias. The walls were decorated with Hogwarts plaques, shields, and banners. It was nice. There was a gothic feel that Lily appreciated, but also a warm, welcoming vibe that Lily credited mostly to the roaring fire in the center of the common area.

Upon exploring her surroundings, Lily noticed a door with her name carved into it in a floral pattern. Before entering her new room, Lily turned to James, who was staring blankly into the bright orange flames of the fire.

"I guess I'll see you later for patrol," she said weakly.

He nodded curtly to show that he had heard her.

"Okay then," Lily said to herself before entering her room.

Without bothering to even look around her new room for ten months, Lily rushed to her bed and threw herself face-first onto it.

At one point, Lily thought she fell asleep. The day had been exhausting both physically and emotionally for her. Nevertheless, she was ready and lip-glossed at 10:55, five minutes before she and James were expected to patrol. Pacing in front of her door only squandered a few minutes, but Lily felt it would be okay if she went into the common area a tad early.

As she opened her door, she heard a creaking sound. Lily's head snapped in its direction. James was also shutting his door behind him.

"Ready?" he asked, remaining completely nonchalant and expressionless.

Not trusting her mouth, Lily simply nodded dumbly and turned a bright shade of pink when he looked at her for the smallest fraction of a second.

He walked at a normal pace through the hallways as he, constantly vigilant in case of an attacker, scanned the area for overly-hormonal students in search of a broom closet. Lily did not miss how he refused to come into close proximity or even look at her. He kept at least a three foot distance between them at all times.

Lily sighed. It was going to be a long year of silence between the two of them. They had to patrol together every night for two hours. As they entered the dungeons, Lily began to formulate ideas of how to keep busy.

Weighing the pros and cons of bringing one of her textbooks along next time, Lily suddenly heard a loud noise. It sounded like one of Professor Slughorn's heaviest cauldrons had been dropped on the floor.

"What was---"

Lily was suddenly cut off. James covered her mouth with his hand and shoved her against the nearest stone-cold wall. Quickly, and without ever removing his hand on her mouth, he whipped out a huge amount of fabric from his robes pocket that Lily did not think looked big enough to hold the material. He wrapped what appeared to be a cloak around her and then around himself.

Although it had seemed too enormous to fit in his pocket, Lily realized that the cloak was not very large at all. James had to move very close to her to fit fully underneath it---so close that he was forced to press his body right against hers. His other hand somehow found its way around Lily's waist. He smelled, if possible, even better than she remembered from so long ago. For a second, she imagined that he would kiss her, but that fantasy was quickly forced from her mind. Still, as soon as the idea entered her mind, her heart started to pound in her chest, and her breathing from underneath his calloused hand came out raggedly.

Lily did not know what he was doing. Yet, as she felt the heat emitting from his body and the hard, muscular feel of his chest, she did not care. He breathed, and the cool scent brushed on her neck in a very erotic way.

Lily sucked in her breath from underneath James's hand. "Stay very still," he whispered into her ear. She knew he had not meant it in a romantic way, but for some reason, every nerve in her body seemed to ignite with anticipation.

Lily looked at him earnestly as she tried to understand what he could possibly be thinking, but his inscrutable gaze was fixed on the end of the corridor.

Then, she heard it: footsteps. There were at least six or seven people she guessed. As the sound of feet came closer, Lily felt the muscles in James's stomach begin to clench. She heard some recognizable voices, and then the figures emerged.

It was Severus Snape, Bellatrix Black, Rodolphous Lestrange, the Caro siblings, and some bloke called McNair.

They were laughing, or in Bellatrix's case cackling. Lily could not make out what they were saying exactly, but she distinctly heard the word 'Potter.' She was positively certain that James heard it as well because his grip on her waist tightened to an almost painful level. Lily was too afraid to move or even to take a breath. She concentrated on James, but her hope wavered when he, too, began to look frightened. The stressful seconds ticked by.

Finally, she saw them start to leave the dungeons. She sighed in relief. Nevertheless, James did not budge until several minutes after their footsteps were no longer audible. Then, as though Lily was on fire, he let go of her and moved back at least five feet, bringing his cloak with him.

Lily, slightly dazed, stood expectantly before him and awaited his explanation.

He was looking at the floor when he murmured, "Invisibility cloak."

Lily nodded in acceptance. Hundreds of questions entered her mind, but she suppressed them in hope that he would share more. He did.

"I think it's better to avoid confrontation when you can protect someone's safety and nothing can be gained from an unfair fight." He was still examining his shoes.

Lily nodded again as it all began to sink in. She watched the broken boy in front of her with sadness and the overwhelming desire to end all his troubles.

She moved closer to him. He flinched as though he wanted to step back but stood his ground. Trembling, Lily lifted his head up with her hand and looked into his guarded eyes. "Thank you," she whispered. They gazed at each other with unfathomable expressions. When Lily finally removed her hand, he stepped back and nodded at her in response.

"Let's get out of here," he said curtly.

Lily eagerly followed him out of the dungeons, and they walked back to their dorm. Though this journey was just as silent as the former trip, there was complacency to the silence. There was no awkwardness, only understanding.

When they reached the Portrait Hole, James said the password and allowed Lily to go ahead of him. Once inside, Lily turned around to face James. "Good night," she said quietly.

He looked at her with his agonizing hazel eyes. "Good night, Lily."

Lily, trying in vain to conceal her smile and the way her heart soared in her chest, walked to her room and quietly shut the door behind her.

_A/N: thanks!___

_molly_


	7. The Interaction

The Interaction

When Lily woke up at seven the next morning, she felt oddly refreshed. The rejuvenation took her by surprise because she had gone to bed very late the previous night after patrolling with James and then spent a great deal of time reliving the minutes trapped underneath his invisibility cloak. It still left her breathless. It had made her feel far too restless to go to bed. Yet, it was the best night's sleep she had received in nearly a year; it was devoid of all nightmares that would leave her screaming and even worse, the unfathomable dreams. She had slept peacefully without even the slightest bit of imagination. It was wonderful.

She lay in bed and sniffed her soft yellow sheets. They smelled like fresh laundry. Lily sighed deeply and looked around her room. It was decorated very much to her taste. The walls were painted a pale gold and there were pastel green furniture pieces that gave her enough space to store her things but did not clutter the room. It was very spacious, and Lily appreciated the open feeling the room gave her. Reveling in the heaven of fabric softener one last time, she got out of bed.

Lily smiled as she prepared herself for the first day of classes. She showered, brushed her teeth, got dressed, styled her hair, and even applied a touch of makeup. Lily examined herself in the mirror as she adjusted the gold "Head Girl" badge pinned to her robes. After spritzing a bit of her favorite vanilla perfume onto her neck, Lily flounced out of her room and walked to the Great Hall to eat some breakfast.

It was fairly uncrowded when Lily arrived at the Gryffindor table. She knew the morning rush would not begin until about five minutes before classes began. Many of her fellow students, especially the seventh years, had difficulty dragging themselves from their cozy beds in the wee hours of the morning. It did not help that their only incentive was to go to school after the blissful three months of summer.

Lily sat down and began to pile food onto her plate. The sausages looked extremely tasty, and she had always been partial to waffles. With a bit of pumpkin juice, Lily tucked into her delectable breakfast. Eating silently but heartily, Lily concentrated on the marvelous food as she enjoyed every bite of her breakfast by herself as more and more students entered the Great Hall with various states of scruffiness.

When one particularly disheveled head entered, Lily choked a little on her pumpkin juice. She coughed quietly and hoped that no one around her noticed how red her face felt. James walked in with the rest of his friends at his side. Sirius was laughing loudly at some joke he had probably told, and Peter was chuckling appreciatively beside him. Remus was talking to James, who seemed to be scanning the room for someone. His eyes brushed by Lily, but she quickly became too interested in her breakfast to decipher his piercing eyes.

She was determinedly thinking about magical ovens when she heard a strict voice call her name. Lily pivoted in her seat to see Professor McGonagall looking a tad frustrated as she called out, "Miss Evans!"

Lily abandoned her breakfast and hurried over to her. "Good morning, Professor," Lily greeted her.

"Yes, yes," McGonagall replied, seeming a tad harried. She sifted through an enormous stack of parchment. "Students seem to think that coming down for breakfast at the last possible minute will help them begin the term successfully. Promptness is essential to learning, Miss Evans. Without the proper discipline and time management skills, this generation will fail to meet the standards required by the O.W.L.s and the N.E.W.T.s."

"I imagine that's so, Professor," Lily stated cautiously, eyeing McGonagall with hesitation. "Is everything quite all right with you?"

"Everything's fine, Miss Evans. Why do you ask?" McGonagall answered stiffly.

"No reason," Lily replied quickly.

"Your course schedule, Miss Evans," McGonagall said as she ended her a piece of parchment.

"Thank you, Professor."

"Yes, well, I must be going. Remember to keep up with your Head duties."

"Of course, Professor," Lily replied assuredly before she returned to her seat.

Lily perused his schedule with interest. She was taking all the necessary courses required for any prestigious job to keep her options open. Although she knew she would have little trouble with Advanced Potions and Charms, N.E.W.T. level Divination wearied her, for she had little patience with the subjectivity of the Sight. Nevertheless, it was necessary for top-ranking ministry officials to take the course, much to her chagrin. If any politicians actually knew what the future had in store, judging from the last few Ministers, Lily felt they needed to have their crystal balls checked. She smiled silently at her joke before taking one last sip of her pumpkin juice and leaving the Gryffindor Table.

Walking back to her new dorm, Lily planned what books she needed for the day and what would be the optimum routes for her to take. Today she had Defense Against the Dark Arts first, Divination, a free period, and then Double Arithmancy. Lily groaned as she glanced at her schedule once more. Tomorrow morning she began her day with Double Potions. No day should have to begin with a discussion of the "Slug Club."

Still taken aback by the exquisiteness of her new lodgings, Lily entered her room and rummaged through her trunk as she placed the necessary books and supplies into her bag. She left her room and then swiftly walked out of the Common Room to head towards the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. She could not stop her eyes from lingering on the doorway to James's room. Lily pretended it was just because she was grateful for what he had done last night. It was not.

Lily walked rather quickly to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Last year's teacher was just substituting for the one the year before, and so Lily had another new teacher this year. Come to think of it, Lily had a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher pretty much every year. She shrugged it off, not wanting to make a big deal out of nothing as Alice always told her she was prone to doing. This year's teacher was a woman named Professor Grace Lawrence. Having had only male DADA teachers before, Lily was very interested to learn the subject from a woman's perspective.

One of the first people to arrive in the classroom, Lily picked a seat in the middle of the desks. Her reasoning, for Lily needed a reason for everything, was that she could easily be called upon for answering questions without seeming too eager. Plus, she would have a good view of anyone who might be taking the class with her. Professor Lawrence nowhere in sight, Lily fished her textbook out of her bag and flipped through its pages as she waited for class to begin as students, some of whom looked eager and some of whom looked as if they were planning their escape, shuffled into the classroom.

Lily saw the Marauders enter from the corner of her eye. She feigned reading as her eyes swept over them with intrigue. Despite all the little rafts and squabbles that happened between them, there was always an inviting sense of camaraderie around them that Lily desperately felt she wanted in her own life. She was about to dare to fully cast her gaze on them without the guise of her book when Professor Lawrence made her entrance.

"Welcome, class," she greeted them warmly as she walked down the stairs from her office. Lily admired her beauty as she moved. She had very pretty blonde hair that curled right along her elbows and white teeth that glistened as she addressed the class. Lily guessed she was only in her early twenties.

"You are my N.E.W.T. level Defense Against the Dark Arts class. As is such, I will expect more from you than any of my other classes. I fear times are growing dark, and we must all learn how to defend ourselves to stay alive."

She talked briskly, but there was a compelling edge to her words. Lily became almost entranced by them.

"Much of your past studies have been on a very direct and upfront approach to defense. Although it is necessary to learn for basic training, the enemy nearly never attacks you straightforwardly unless you find yourself in a proper Wizard's Duel. And who wants to end up in that situation, right?"

The joke earned a few chuckles and grins from the class. It broke the spell her words had on Lily, who was feeling slightly enamored by the newest faculty member. Taking a look around, most of the males were, too. Lily highly doubted it was for the same reasons as she caught Gerald Berrigan eyeing her rather long legs. Lily held back a snicker when she saw his girlfriend, who had noticed, as well, elbow him in the gut.

"I am going to teach you all more subtle ways to dodge and attack. So much of today's world is based on lies and manipulations. You almost never know who you can trust or who is just using you for their own agenda. True heroics have almost been abolished by greed and revenge. It is a frightening world, and I want you all to learn how to protect yourselves from it. Too many noble people have suffered because of their naïveté…" Professor Lawrence drifted off, and Lily sensed she was thinking of her own examples. An electric pause of tension entered the room that was only dispelled when Professor Lawrence emitted a high-pitched laugh.

"I'm sorry about that, everyone. There's no need to get too philosophical on your first day back. I imagine many of your brains are still off in your own beds."

Lily looked around. Every face was focusing on the teacher with the same rapt attention.

"Today we will be learning about Patronuses." Suddenly, she whipped out her wand, made a thrusting movement with it, and bellowed, _"Expecto Patronum!"_ An enormous silver swan emerged from her wand.

She smiled at it before turning to address the class. "As you can see, they are not exactly subtle," she laughed, gesturing towards the brightness of the creature. "However, they will protect you from an attack at any angle. It is imperative to have a bright source to keep you safe from any malevolence, especially Dementors." Professor Lawrence shuddered a bit at the thought. Lily wondered when she had met one. "Now, if you would be so kind, I ask you to go ahead and practice the incantation on your own. Remember to concentrate very hard on your most blissful memory because only truly happy thoughts can produce a corporeal Patronus."

She stopped talking and smiled at them to begin. No one moved. "Go on," she urged. "Think happy thoughts."

Lily spent nearly an hour trying to produce a Patronus, but she only got wisps of white smoke. It frustrated Lily because she was usually the first to accomplish anything in class. Plus, all of the Marauders had already conjured odd animals as their Patronuses. Lily liked James's. It looked like a deer, but she knew it was something a little less common. It seemed proud, dependable, and protective. Remus had a wolf for reasons Lily could not fathom, and Peter, oddly enough, had a rat. Sirius's, of course, was a dog, man's best friend and something that barked at anyone as it pushed its nose into someone's crotch.

Lily did not have any more time to practice her Patronus because the class ended and she needed to head towards the complete other side of the castle for Divination. Lily quickly grabbed her schoolbag, but in her haste it spilled onto the floor. Lily hurriedly stuffed its contents back into her bag as her fellow students left the room. Lily was the last one to leave the classroom.

"So long, Miss Evans," Professor Lawrence, smiling enigmatically, said to her as she walked towards the door.

"Bye, Professor," Lily replied before closing the door behind her.

Lily was quite startled when she was confronted not by a corridor but by Sirius Black's face.

"Oh, Sirius!" Lily breathed, clutching a hand to her heart. "Merlin, you gave me a fright." Judging from the wicked glint that formed in his gray eyes, Lily doubted he was saddened by this news.

"Evans," he replied with a curt nod. "Interesting lesson today."

The comment surprised Lily. He said it so nonchalantly like this was an everyday occurrence between them.

"Yes, it was," Lily answered him hesitantly.

"Not many people had happy enough memories," Sirius said with the same light tone. His eyes, however, revealed the true depth of his meaning.

"No," Lily admitted. "No, they didn't."

"Seems odd that so many people live unhappily."

"It's a shame."

"A right shame," he agreed.

"Or a wrong one," Lily said thoughtfully.

"Indeed." He stopped talking and Lily waited for him to say something else. "Look, Evans, James Potter is my best friend," he announced abruptly.

"I know," Lily replied, not quite sure what he was getting at.

"He deserves more happy memories than anyone in this entire universe."

"Yes, I daresay he does," she said solemnly.

"I need to know that you won't cause him any more pain this year, Evans. You broke him last time, and I don't think he can handle being broken again."

"Sirius," Lily said, earnestly trying to gain trust in his steely eyes. "I would never---"

"But you did," Sirius cut her off. "You did before, and I need to know that you won't do it again."

"That's not what I want," Lily stammered. He was standing very close to her. It made her nervous.

"That's right. You got what you wanted already." His voice was cold, and his words were stones.

"I take it back," Lily said. Tears formed in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "It's not what I want anymore."

"Then what do you want?"

"I just want to try to make amends. I want him to have happy memories, too, Sirius."

"No funny business?"

"Never again," Lily promised in a whisper.

"You like him, don't you?" Lily could hear the grin in his voice.

"Sure, you said yourself he deserves the best." Lily shrugged as she tried to exude the same casualness Sirius seemed to have effortlessly.

"No, I mean you really like him, as in romantically," he goaded.

Looking down at her shoes, Lily sighed. "Yes," she admitted softly.

"I had an inkling," Sirius replied, grinning.

"Please don't tell him. I'm not ready for him to know yet."

"I won't. I reckon he's not ready to know, either."

"Thanks," Lily said gratefully.

"You're welcome," he replied. Lily was a bit surprised to hear him say it. That was not how she had expected this to go. "I just want him to be happy."

Lily frowned at that. She was not quite sure what he meant by that. She opened her mouth to ask him about it, but he interrupted her.

"It's good to know that we are on the same page, Evans. I'm glad we had this little chat." He glanced down at Lily's watch. "Better get going. Next class starts in about a minute. You wouldn't want to be late." He smirked at her before walking down the corridor.

"Sirius!" Lily called out to him.

He halted but did not turn around.

"I just want you to know that I am so s—"

He turned around and held up a hand to silence her.

"I'm not the one who needs to hear that, Evans." He held her gaze for what seemed like an immeasurable amount of time before he pivoted around and walked away.

Lily stared at his former spot in a daze before remembering she was already four minutes late to Divination. Frantically, she practically ran to the North Tower for class. When she finally reached the classroom, Professor Mirar was already explaining the curriculum for the year.

"Ahh, Miss Evans, glad you could make it. I foresaw that something would hinder your arrival to this class."

"Sorry, Professor," Lily apologized. She forced herself to not roll her eyes at his "omnipotent" tone. "I had some unexpected Head duties."

"Sure," he replied with an eerily knowing smile. "Please grab a seat. I was just about to break you up into pairs. We will be easing our way back into the Sight today with some simple palm reading."

Lily complied a tad sheepishly and then listened as Professor Mirar listed off the pairs. She was supposed to be partners with Travis Early, but he was nowhere to be found. Unsure of what to do, Lily just sat in her desk.

"Miss Evans, is there a problem?" Professor Mirar asked.

"Yes, sir. I guess Travis isn't here. I don't have a partner."

"Oh, that's right," he realized. "Professor Dumbledore owled me this morning saying that he has transferred to Beauxbatons."

"Oh," Lily replied, feeling rather stupid because she had nothing else to say. "I guess I'll just work by myself, then," she muttered finally.

"You are in luck, Miss Evans. As it turns out, we had an odd number of students in this class. Now you can work with someone from that trio over there. Mr. Potter, if you could please come here."

Lily closed her eyes and attempted to collect herself. Of all the people he could have chosen it had to be him. Of course, with her luck, she should not have been surprised. Irony loved her.

James, looking rather confused, left his partners and walked towards the Professor.

"Mr. Potter, Miss Evans will now be your partner because Travis has changed schools."

James nodded but said nothing. Lily forced herself to not look up at his expression.

"Go on, you two," Professor Mirar urged them. "Predict the future!"

Lily followed James silently to an empty pair of cozy, chintz armchairs and plopped herself down onto the closest one. Unsure of what to say, she folded her hands in her lap and waited for him to begin. James, however, looked just as hesitant to speak.

"Let's go, everyone!" Professor Mirar, who noticed that none of his students had started yet, called. He sighed and looked heavenward. "Merlin, you can't have a boy and a girl hold hands without it turning into melodrama," he muttered to himself. "The person on the left will read his or her partner's palm first, and then we'll all switch in about ten minutes. Get going."

"Err, I guess I'll just read your future then," Lily said tentatively, silently cursing her laziness.

"Yeah," James murmured back. He looked at her expectantly and waited for her to begin.

"Umm, James," Lily said as her face got a little heated. "I kind of need your hands."

"Oh, right!" he said. His face now also had a pink tinge to it.

He quickly rolled up the sleeves to his uniform so that it rested around his elbow and placed his hands on the table between them.

Ducking her face behind her hair a little, Lily apprehensively inched one of her fingers toward his outstretched hands. She marveled at the contrast between her pale, feminine fingertips and his tan, sinewy hands. Her eyes brushed over his hands up to his forearms where the strong lines of tendons continued until they disappeared underneath his shirt. Blushing furiously at the thoughts now circulating in her head, Lily's skin finally made contact with his.

"Merlin!" James jumped a little in his chair. The jerk caused his hand to break free from her grasp.

"What?" Lily asked in shock.

"Nothing," he replied. "It's just that your hands are very cold."

"I know," Lily said. The blush crept back onto her face. "I have bad circulation."

"Oh, okay." James said. "Sorry about that. Here." He opened his hand for Lily to resume examining it.

"Right," Lily replied. She felt the calluses on his hand as she traced the lines of his palm with her fingertips. He shivered slightly at her touch. "Well, your heart line is long." She paused to flip through her _Unfogging the Future _textbook. "That means that you deeply feel emotion." Her eyes locked on James's for a fraction of a second before she rushed to the next line. "Your head line shows a sense of adventure because it's separated from the life line, which is, rather short."

"So I'm going to die young but in an exciting way?" James joked lightly. His voice sounded reserved, older. It made her miss the little boy who would tell inappropriate jokes and then laugh like a mad man at them.

She examined the text. "Well, yes," she replied with an apologetic smile. "However, it also means that you will exhibit strength."

"Oh, well, that doesn't sound so bad."

"No, it doesn't," Lily agreed.

"Well, that was about ten minutes. Reckon I should read your future now?"

"Okay."

James gently reached for Lily's hand and wrapped his much larger one around it. He tenderly stretched out her fingers almost as though he was caressing them, which, of course, would have been impossible. Lily's breath caught in her throat, and she had trouble thinking clearly. His thumb circled the contours of her hand with excruciating slowness. Lily raised her eyes to his face as she attempted to discern what he could possibly be thinking, but his eyes, completely focused on what he was doing, were looking downward.

"Your life line is short, as well," he said finally in a soft voice. "The straight edge here means that you are cautious to form relationships," he indicated the spot with his fingertip as his eyes roamed his book. "Your fate line is very defined. That means your life is deeply rooted in external matters." He gazed up at her. "Apparently, you have quite a part to play, Lily."

Mesmerized by his eyes, Lily sat quite still in her chair.

"Do you think you can handle that?" he asked. His tone was placid, but his eyes were burning.

Lily let his question hang in the air for a bit as she pondered.

"Let everything come as it may," she answered finally.

"And what of love? What of your own happiness?"

"You tell me."

James's eyebrows shot up quizzically.

"I mean, my future," Lily restated as she waved her hands for emphasis.

"Oh, right," James said with a relieved sigh.

He took Lily's right hand and engulfed it with his own. Lily laughed at the way his nose was crinkling up in concentration from underneath his glasses. James looked up indignantly. "What?" he asked.

"It wasn't supposed to be a stumper," she teased with a warm smile.

He grinned back at her, and Lily suddenly became very conscious of the fact that he was still holding her hand.

"Time to get going to your next lesson! See you all on Wednesday!" announced Professor Mirar.

James let go of Lily's hand as though it had suddenly burst into flame. "See you later, Lily," he said before rushing out of the classroom. Confused, Lily sat in her chair as the heat from his touch left her hand.

Lily remained confused and absentminded for the rest of the day. During lunch she had accidentally put gravy on her corn instead of her potatoes. She had nearly tripped going down a flight of stairs on her way to Arithmancy, where she had stared off into space for the entire lesson.

Trying to snap out of whatever stupor she was currently in, Lily walked to dinner and sat in her usual spot by herself. She was just about to pour herself some pumpkin juice when someone tapped her shoulder.

"Sirius," Lily, startled, said as she put the juice down.

"Evans," he greeted her.

"Déjà vu," Lily replied lightly.

Sirius grinned. "Yes," he agreed. "So James mentioned that you're his new Divination partner."

"You sure know how to cut to the chase."

"Subtlety is only necessary when you have something to hide, as are distractions."

Lily gulped and then it all came bubbling out of her. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I know you asked me to be careful around James, but I didn't ask to be paired up with him. Professor Mirar did it. I would have worked alone if necessary. It's really all Travis's fault, he---"

Sirius laughed. "Relax, Evans. I didn't mean that as a bad thing."

"Oh, you didn't?"

Sirius shook his head.

"Oh," Lily said as her face started to heat up.

"Do you like sitting alone?" he asked, gesturing to the empty seats around her.

"Well, not really," Lily admitted. "I used to sit with Alice, but she graduated."

"I remember her. She was nice."

"Yes," Lily agreed sadly. "She's my best friend."

"So now you just sit by yourself."

"Yep."

"How about you come sit with us?" Sirius offered.

"You mean the Marauders?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said as he helped Lily out of her seat. He threw his arm around her shoulder. "It's okay. We don't bite, unless the situation calls for it," he amended with a grin.

Lily smiled back uneasily.

When they arrived at the end of the table where the Marauders sat, Lily was acknowledged by three sets of curious eyes. Lily felt as though she was being X-rayed. Vainly wishing Sirius had just let her be to rot in her own pathetic loneliness, Lily sat down next to Remus and murmured a "Hello."

"Hey, Lily," Remus welcomed her with a polite smile.

Lily looked up at him but stopped suddenly when her eyes locked on those of the boy sitting across from her. James gazed back intensely before turning to Sirius with a questioning expression.

"I asked Evans to sit with us if that's okay," Sirius announced as if he did this type of thing all the time.

"Sure," Remus said as Peter nodded with approval.

"That's fine," James agreed quietly.

"Good, because I wasn't about to take no for an answer," Sirius said.

"You never do," Remus commented wearily.

"That's why I'm such a delight for the professors of this school," Sirius replied cheekily. "Besides, I figured we could use a girl around. You all eat like such dogs. She might inspire some manners."

"You're one to talk, Sirius," Peter teased.

"Moi?" Sirius asked in a scandalized tone. "Why, I am the epitome of courtesy," he said as he gnawed on a chicken bone.

Lily suddenly felt like she belonged as she rolled her eyes with the rest of the boys.


	8. The Friendship

The Friendship

Lily was very hesitant to join the Marauders the next day for breakfast. Sirius had issued her a permanent invitation, but she still felt like an outsider. They had such a tight knit group. How could she be expected to wedge herself in between them? Heading for a deserted part of the table, Lily decided to give them some space. However, when they saw her sitting alone, Sirius motioned for her to join them. Grabbing her bag, Lily squeezed herself between Peter and Remus.

At first, Lily listened mainly and only verbalized her thoughts when she was asked a direct question. It was enough to be in their company and grin at their antics. However, after a week of eating her meals with the Marauders, she slowly began to feel as though she belonged. She was no longer pained with the guilt of intrusion but elated with the promise of laughter. Lily knew enough about their dynamic to know that she should crack jokes at Sirius's expense and plead to Remus if she wanted to get out of doing something.

The next week Lily strolled to the back of the Gryffindor table where the Marauders stationed themselves almost effortlessly. They smiled at her and Lily smiled back as she sat down in her now permanent seat next to Remus. "Morning, guys," Lily greeted them cheerfully.

"Hey, Lily," replied Peter, his mouth filled with what appeared to be eggs. Lily grimaced as a bit flew out of his mouth.

"Gross, Pete!" exclaimed Sirius, upon whose lap the egg had fallen. "I don't let eggs touch me there."

Lily assumed from the wolfish grin on his face that he would not have a problem if the egg had been replaced with someone in a skirt. She could now see the dirty thoughts in Sirius's mind. She was part of the group.

Lily smiled as she ate her toast and listened to Lupin chastise Sirius for his lack of tact.

"But, Remus,' Sirius whined. "Tact is just not telling the truth. That's like saying, 'Steal things because you don't have them.'"

"Lily," Remus appealed both with his voice and pale blue eyes. "Make him see reason."

"I dunno," said Lily, shrugging gently. "He does sort of have a point. Surprisingly," she added with a grin.

"Lily's right, mate," James agreed. "You're bloody brilliant. Infallible logic," added James, half-joking and half-sincere.

"Thanks, James," Sirius replied as he threw his arm over James's shoulder in a brotherly fashion. "It's nice to know someone doesn't think I'm a complete nincompoop."

"Well," Remus began, but Lily did not listen to him. She was still trying to overcome her shock. Not only had James agreed with her, but he had also made a joke. Although he seemed to be less miserable lately, he still talked even less than Lily did at the table. Now, she was sitting at the same part of the Gryffindor Table as he was, and he was agreeing with her. Lily's grin did not fade throughout the remainder of breakfast.

By the time they all made their way to the dungeons for Potions, Remus, Lily's partner, could not help but to point out her changed demeanor.

"So, Lily," he asked as he measured the appropriate amount of salamander blood. "Anything exciting happen this morning?"

"Not really," Lily replied. "I guess it was the pretty standard morning with you guys. I watch you all stuff your faces and listen to you make fun of Sirius. Why?"

"You've been smiling all day. Did you hear from Alice, or something?"

"No," said Lily, shaking her head and reminding herself that she should probably write Alice back. She had been neglecting her best friend duties. "I haven't had post from Alice in a couple of weeks."

"Get a good mark on a test?" Remus guessed.

Lily laughed. "Why are you so interested in my happy mood?"

Remus shrugged uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "Well, Lily, I just haven't seen you this happy in a long time, and, I have to admit, as a friend, it's a really nice change."

Lily let his words soak in for a few seconds before she finally choked out, "Thanks, Remus."

"Welcome, Lily," he said.

Lily blushed at the thought of even asking it, but she needed to know. "So we really are friends, then?"

"Yeah," Remus said. "I know last year when it happened, we stopped talking, but I always thought you were a good person. I think that's why the entire incident affected me so much. I never thought you'd do something like that."

"I never thought I would either. You have no idea how much I wish I hadn't," Lily admitted quietly.

"And you've proven that, Lily," he replied.

"So, we're okay?"

"Yeah, we're okay."

"Good," sighed Lily. "Because being your friend again would mean a lot to me."

"I'm glad we're on the same page, then," said Remus, grinning. "And not just because combining potions could probably blow up the entire school with these type of ingredients."

Lily laughed loudly. With that necessary yet awkward conversation finally completed, they talked normally as they did before any of last year's events had even happened.

"So you really had no idea that Dumbledore was behind you the entire time?" Lily asked.

"Nope," said Remus, who was fighting to control his laughter. "We had spent the last twenty minutes planning our amazing end-of-the-year prank when all of a sudden Dumbledore came up from behind us and said that 'It would be a better idea to use pudding instead of jell-o because of the consistency."

"No, he didn't!" Lily argued. "Dumbledore would never help you prank the Slytherins. He's the Headmaster!"

Remus, shrugging, laughed. "I guess he knew it was just harmless fun. Plus, it was Lucius Malfoy's last year in school, and I'm pretty sure Dumbledore was never fond of him. Besides, we were only Third Years at the time. Pudding wasn't exactly the worst thing in the world."

"I remember that feast," Lily recalled with a grin. "The entire room erupted into a food-throwing frenzy. The poor house-elves! All of their hard work! It all ended up on the walls and in people's hair!"

"Yeah, Professor McGonagall received an 'anonymous tip' that we were responsible, and we had to clean the entire Great Hall without magic. We had to clean all night. We nearly missed the train home!"

"Dumbledore is a strange man," said Lily.

"He is," Remus agreed. "Wonderful, though."

"Yeah," replied Lily.

"He believes everyone deserves a second chance. It's a rare quality in people. I've only just discovered how difficult it really is."

"Ahh, Miss Evans and Mr. Lupin," Professor Slughorn announced as he sauntered over to their table. "How much strength do you think your solution has?"

Remus looked at Lily who nodded. "Loads, sir," he answered. "I wouldn't be surprised if ours could defeat all the other potions."

Slughorn laughed merrily, and his belly jiggled as his voice echoed throughout the room.

"Usually, I received that kind of cheeky talk from Miss Evans, not you, Mr. Lupin."

Remus shrugged. "We make a good team."

Slughorn examined their potion gleefully. "I'd say. It's the perfect color and the right consistency. Very nice work, you two. This potion gets an _Outstanding_."

"Thanks, Professor," said Lily, subtly high-fiving Remus under the table.

"Now, as my two most accomplished students of the day, I do expect you both to appear at my Slug Club meeting this Friday. It's just something small, a few friends coming together to discuss old times. I'm trying to keep it very low-key. You know, just the everyday pheasant feast and famous musical groups. There will only be a few members of the Harpies this time, I don't want to overwhelm anyone."

"That's great, Professor," Lily said hesitantly.

"Excellent, so then I can expect you both to be there with!"

"Well, Professor," Remus began slowly as Lily made histrionic gestures and facial expressions. "As much as we'd like to attend---"

Lily, sensing he was about to cave, cut him off. "Oh, Merlin, Professor. Look at my watch!" exclaimed Lily, rolling down her sleeve to avoid suspicion, seeing as she did not, in fact, wear a watch. . "Class is almost over, and we'd better be packing up. Remus and I can't afford to be late for our next class. I guess we'll have to continue this some other time."

Slughorn laughed. "I'll see you both on Friday, and, Miss Evans, I have a friend who makes excellent watches. I'll invite him to the party so that you can meet him."

"Thanks, Professor," murmured Lily, defeated.

"I guess this is the price we have to pay for doing well in Potions," commented Remus, sighing, as he watched Slughorn move on to the next couple.

"It seems a pretty steep price," replied Lily bitterly. "Imagine being punished for academic excellence. A teacher forcing his students to go to a party."

"It won't be that bad. At least, I hope it won't be as bad as some of his former parties. I'm sure he'll catch James and Sirius in his sticky net of compliments and caramelized pineapple. He's always neglected Peter, but we can just drag him along. That way we can all be united in our hours of mindless small talk and nodding until your head begins to empathize with Nearly Headless Nick."

Lily sighed. "Maybe we should botch our next potion."

"You think?" Remus asked with a sly grin.

"I think," said Lily, smiling back.

"Okay, then, next class I'll just do all the work." replied Remus.

"That ought to work."

However, despite Lily and Remus's efforts and Remus's rather poor potion making abilities, they were finally coerced into attending Slughorn's party. It was not as abominable as they imagined; it was worse. The most dreadfully dull people from school were there along with the most preciously pompous celebrities. Lily thought she might have had to stun a pony-haired pillock by the name of Gilderoy Lockhart if he boasted one more ridiculously fake tale. Sirius, sensing her dilemma, saved her.

After the appropriate amount of time had passed, Lily and the Marauders ditched the party and went to the kitchens. She had to admit, with the house-elves' superb seven-layer chocolate cake congealing in one's stomach, spending the past three hours at a heinous party does not seem so bad. Plus, Peter did some really hilarious impressions of Slughorn running away from a ghost.

About a week had passed since the party, and Lily was working on her Arithmancy essay in the library. The initial sluggish tendencies from summer had ended, and now everything settled into a daily routine. The only bit Lily did not appreciate was the continuous flow of homework. Lily looked at the enormous, dusty textbook in front of her. The pages were thick and yellowing and filled with words that did not even appear to be in English anymore. She rubbed her eyes. She knew she had been in the library for too long if she could no longer read. Ultimately deciding she would wake up early to finish the essay tomorrow, Lily put the book away and walked the now familiar route to the Heads' Dorm.

When Lily walked into the Common Room, she saw James reading a book on a chair.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"Hi, James."

"You ready for rounds soon?"

Lily slapped her forehead. "Oh, that's right. Today's Thursday." Lily and James had scheduled rounds for the Prefects, but they still had to patrol on Thursdays and the weekends.

"We still have about ten minutes before we have to leave."

"Okay, I'll be ready soon."

Lily walked into her room and dumped her bag onto her bed. She unbuttoned a few of the top buttons on her shirt to feel less stifled as she yanked the hair tie from her head. Shaking her hair, Lily yawned and walked to the bathroom. She washed her face and found the cold water to be oddly invigorating. Not wanting to make James wait, Lily dried her face, grabbed her wand, and then walked back into the Common Room.

"Ready for patrol?" asked James, putting his book down.

"As I'll ever be," Lily answered and followed him out the door.

Lily did not hate patrols; she just did not necessarily enjoy them. Although she and James had greatly improved their relationship over the past few weeks, without the rest of the Marauders acting as buffers between them, conversations became forced and silences grew awkward. Lily felt that tonight's rounds were going to more like the latter, so she picked a topic she knew would get James talking.

"So, how's Quidditch going?"

It was like she had turned on a light switch. Suddenly, James seemed eager and excited.

"Well," he began. "I spent a lot of my summer devising plays and patterns. It was a great distraction. Our team is really shaping up. We've been practicing most nights, and I think it's finally starting to produce the right results. Slytherin won't have a chance."

"I've noticed," Lily commented. "You always come in at night looking dead tired."

"Yeah, but it's worth it. Besides, I don't mind being tired. It's the inability to fall asleep I don't like."

Lily focused the talk back onto Quidditch. "Why doesn't Sirius play Quidditch? You lot are always playing by yourselves, and as far as I can tell, he seems like a pretty fantastic beater."

James laughed. "Sirius is a bloody amazing player. He just doesn't want to play for any team. He seems to think establishment will make him housebroken, or so he says."

"That's interesting. I can't imagine anyone breaking Sirius."

"It would be a challenge. Sirius, well, he follows his own path. You'll never find a better friend, though. Plus, it is rather funny to watch the girls chase after him."

"I've noticed," replied Lily, laughing. "He never does give any of them the time of day."

"Nope. Don't get me wrong, Sirius likes girls. I mean, what's not to like?" James laughed nervously. "But, he doesn't feel the need to get too involved in one. Apparently, that leads to being the chump who holds his girlfriend's pocketbook as they go to Madame Puddifoot's."

Lily made a face. "That place is revolting! It makes my stomach churn."

"Exactly!" James agreed. "I would never like someone who would voluntarily step foot in there."

"It looks like Sirius has the right ideology, then," commented Lily.

"I dunno," said James, shrugging. "I guess I've always been a bit more of a romantic than him. It probably comes from my parents. They were so in love. Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted that for myself. Sirius's parents, however, well, they didn't exactly set the same example."

Lily nodded. She had heard the stories. She knew the Black family was filled with dark wizards who despised muggleborns and were even rumored to cut off the heads of their servants. She had always wondered how Sirius had escaped relatively unscathed.

James remained silent for a few seconds as though he was remembering something before he finally continued. "Sirius used to make fun of me all the time for wanting to get married. He never used to understand why I liked --- girls so much."

"I think it's sweet that you want to have a family life, James."

"Thanks, Lily. Anyway, what's going on with you? What are your dark, deep family secrets?"

Lily laughed and then proceeded to tell him all about Petunia and her evil ways. His laughter bellowed through the hallways when she described Vernon as a "fat walrus with the whiskers to match." She continued on about her parents and how even though they loved her, they never really quite understood magic.

"Well, that's understandable," rationalized James. "I've been taking Muggle Studies for years, and I still doubt I could properly work a telephone."

Lily laughed. "If you come over to my house some time, I'll show you how. It's really not as hard as it sounds. My sister could even teach you. She has hours of practice."

James grimaced.

"All right, I'll teach you."

James grinned. "Sounds good. As long as you let me have a go at this Vernon fellow. I think he might appreciate a crash course in Transfiguration."

"I would pay a thousand galleons to see that," replied Lily, chuckling.

"Could you imagine Sirius around them? That I would pay for."

Lily had to clutch her sides; the laughter was that intense. James, his face red and bright with smiles, put his hands around her waist to calm her down. It had the opposite effect.

Once Lily started to breathe normally James removed his hands and ruffled his hair with his fingers.

"I can just see it now. You come home from school and your parents hug you and then suddenly you introduce Sirius and the rest of your friends."

Lily's heart soared at the word "friends," but she tried to seem normal. "My mum would probably have a coronary."

"I'd doubt it," laughed James. "He can be very charming when he wants to be."

"A trait I've noticed is present in all the Marauders."

"Except for Pete."

Lily chortled. "Except for Pete."

Lily looked around. They had almost finished rounds, and she had not yawned the entire time.

"Wow, James, you sure know how to make a person forget how tired they are."

James laughed. "You missed it. I charmed you when you weren't looking."

Lily gaped at him and then pushed his chest playfully. "Why you little sneak!"

James pretended to be wounded. "I was just kidding! And, ow! That hurt!"

"Says the Quidditch Captain."

"Hey," he argued indignantly. "Even manly Quidditch players fear nails, and you, my dear," said James, grabbing her hand, "have daggers."

Lily looked at her rather long fingernails critically. "I guess they could do with a trim."

"It's okay, they're pretty."

"Thanks," replied Lily, blushing slightly as she removed her hand from underneath his.

"Just don't use them as weapons unless there's a Slytherin around," he joked.

Lily laughed. "Okay."

They turned one final corner until they were at the entrance to their dorm.

"_Vindicaire_," James said softly, and the portrait opened in response.

Once inside, James turned to Lily.

"I think I'm finally starting to feel tired."

"You can't always be running around. You're not Sirius," Lily teased.

"Thank Merlin for that," replied James, grinning. "I'm going to bed. You probably should too."

"I will. I just have something I'd like to do first."

"Homework can wait till the morning."

"I do other things besides homework."

"At 1:32 in the morning?" asked James, peering down at his watch.

Lily shrugged.

"You're such a mystery."

"In a good way or a bad way?" she asked.

"Sometimes both," he admitted with a grin. "It keeps life interesting."

"That's not so bad then."

"Nope. Well, good night, Lily. Don't stay up too late."

"Night, James," said Lily softly as she watched him disappear into his bedroom and close the door behind him.

Lily settled into her favorite squashy arm chair with some parchment and a quill. The fire was starting to go down, but the flickering light was just enough to see. Staring at the paper for a few moments, she sorted through her thoughts before finally scratching the tip of her quill onto the parchment as the words flowed.

_Dearest Alice,_

_ I know I haven't written in a while. Fear not. I am fine, so stop your worrying. It's not good for the skin. How are you? Better yet, how's Frank? I know you can't see me, but I'm wiggling my eyebrows in that way you hate. I hope you both are doing well and that he's still as good as a snogger as you always describe in your long, VERY long, girly speeches about him. Is Auror training treating you both okay? I read in your latest letter what that bloke Moody made you do. Next time, just give him a swift kick in the shins. Or someplace higher if he tells you that undercover spying involves slutty outfits again. I mean, honestly!_

_ Life at Hogwarts is very different without you. Sure, classes are the same. There's the same essays to write and the same passages to read. Even the teachers haven't changed. Slughorn forced me to go to another one of his idiotic parties. You would have positively hated it. It wasn't that bad, though. I left early with the Marauders. I guess that's why my life has changed so much in the past few weeks. I've been spending almost all of my free time with the Marauders. And just so you know, this is Lily Evans writing this, not an imposter or a Slytherin or some silly First Year. We eat meals together, go to classes together, and Sirius even wants me to go to Hogsmeade with them after Gryffindor annihilates Slytherin at the Quidditch match two weeks from now. _

_ I know you probably find this news shocking. I've spent even longer tirades going on about the Marauders than you have about Frank (not that I've snogged any of the Marauders. Well….nevermind.) Yet, somehow, it's been amazing. You are the best friend I could ever ask for, but I never had any other friends when we were in school together. It's really nice having people to talk to when you're not around. Having four friends instead of just one best friend, Alice, is really pretty neat. The dynamic between them all is just so intriguing. They should be studied. They're always laughing or joking or eating---especially eating. At first, I felt like I was intruding, but now I feel like I belong. I'm their friend. Peter, Sirius, Remus, and even James, if you can believe that. It's like I'm a different person around them. I like her a lot. _

_ However, they're still a bunch of boys who freak out whenever I'm being moody and say I'm having "womanly troubles." Pricks. It makes me miss our Friday night sleepovers and Saturday morning stomach aches. Well, maybe not so much the stomach aches. Why didn't we ever realize that treacle tart after three in the morning is not a good idea? All right, I'm going to let you go. It's pretty late, and I have to get up early tomorrow. Tell Frank I say, "Hi!" Make sure he realizes how lucky he is to have you! I love you, Alice, and I miss my best friend!_

_Yours,_

_Lily_

A/N:_ i like happy stories, and this chapter was probably the most upbeat one so far. like jane austen, i like my characters to be incandescently happy, even if people cannot be so in real life._

_love,_

_molly_


	9. The Former

_A/N: This chapter is dedicated to all those who also lack boyfriends._

The Former

Lily had expected Alice to appear rather surprised in her letter. After five years of proclaiming her hatred of the four miscreants that were narcissistic enough to give themselves their own label and after a year of desperately avoiding the eyes of the aforementioned boys, Lily suspected Alice would have questions and possibly even concerns. However, Lily did not prepare herself for the amount of capital letters and punctuation that Alice had deemed necessary for such sentiments. Now, Lily was surprised Alice had not used a howler. However, since the letter had started with just a bunch of exclamation points, Lily was insanely grateful. Maybe Frank had told Alice to keep the letter written. Yes, that was exactly something Frank would do. Lily made a mental note to send him some Honeydukes chocolate this weekend at Hogsmeade. Obviously, Lily had underestimated her best friend.

Lily chuckled as she reread Alice's letter. The words were so familiar, and she could hear Alice yelling them into her ear. Of course, Lily knew exactly what feelings had spurred this reaction. In fact, if Lily had not been the one hanging out with the Marauders for the past few weeks, she would not have believed herself either. It was just that absurd.

Yet, it was wonderful at the same time.

Smiling to herself, Lily took out a quil and began to write a response to Alice's bewilderment. She was a few sentences in when she heard the portrait hole open. Lily looked down at her watch that Slughorn had forced her to buy. It was about time he came home. It was nearly ten o'clock.

"Hey, Lily," James croaked.

Lily, expecting to see James, was shocked when she looked up and saw more earth than boy. James, clad in his Quidditch robes, was covered in mud, sweat, grass, and what appeared to be dried blood.

"James!" she exclaimed. "What in the name of Merlin's left shoe happened to you?"

"Left shoe?" asked James, quirking up an eyebrow. "Really, Lily." He laughed but then stopped, clutching his side.

"What's the matter?" asked Lily worriedly.

"Nothing," he replied nonchalantly. "I just made a mistake during practice. I was telling Lisa---she's our newest chaser---a better way to handle the quaffle, and I never saw that bludger. Nasty buggers. It's worse when you're not expecting it. The wind gets knocked out of you."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," said James, trudging over to a chair and sitting down. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "I just might never get up from this chair."

"You look awful," commented Lily.

"Thanks," James replied. "That's always a nice one to hear from girls."

"You know what I mean," explained Lily, rolling her eyes. "Are you in pain? Do you need me to do anything?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm just gonna stay still for a while. Movement bad."

"You should get out of your uniform. It's completely covered in mud. You should have cancelled practice. It's pouring outside!"

"We needed to have practice because the match against Slytherin is just three days away. Besides, a little bit of water never hurt anyone."

"Boys," Lily grumbled under her breath. She got up and walked to James's armchair. Raising her wand she stated, "_Scorgify!_"

James looked down at his Quidditch robes and then smiled. "Thanks."

"Sure," said Lily, walking back to her own chair. She picked up her quil and began writing again.

"What are you doing?" James asked. He sounded so exhausted.

"Writing a letter to Alice. She probably thinks I've been put under an Imperius Curse, or something. She has a tendency to overreact to things. I guess we both do. That's why we make such good friends. Anyway, I told Alice that I've been spending most of my time with you and the rest of the Marauders and now it seems that I have to tell her my favorite type of jam to prove that I am, in fact, Lily Evans."

Lily waited for him to say something in response, but he was silent. "James?" she called as she peered over her letter at his chair. He was sleeping.

Shaking her head, Lily got off her chair and walked back over to him. "James?" she called again quietly. He made no response. His head had lolled to the side, and he was breathing quietly. He looked so adorable as he slept, like a newborn baby. Lily brandished her wand again and levitated him slowly to his bed. She took off some of his bulkier padding and then pulled the covers up to his bed. Leaving his room, Lily whispered "Goodnight, James," before closing his door.

The previous night was not the end of James's pre-match jitters. For the next few days he paced around the room and muttered unintelligible things to himself as he obsessed over strategy and tactics. Lily had half a mind to just shake him and tell him to snap out of it. Except, however perverse it was, Lily almost wanted the match to never happen if he would continue to do crunches in the early morning without a shirt on. Yes, she realized that this was the boy who had terrorized her for years until she had ultimately sought revenge in the worst possible way mere months before he had been orphaned and that they had only recently begun a tentative friendship with each other. Still, Lily doubted anyone could find her in fault after seeing James's abdominal muscles. Lily shook her head. Although life had become considerably better over the past month, it had also become considerably more complicated.

Regrettably or happily, depending on which perspective one had, the morning of the Gryffindor-Slytherin Quidditch match finally arrived. The entire school was buzzing with excitement. When Lily walked down to the Great Hall in the morning, ever single conversation seemed to be centered on the match. It was as though James's paranoia had infected them all!

Lily settled into her usual chair and then looked up, expecting to see James wolfing down some sausages and toast because, as he had repeated constantly the past few weeks, protein and carbohydrates were crucial for Quidditch players to maintain energy. Instead, James, looking a little squeamish, was staring at his empty plate.

"What's up with him?" Lily asked Remus.

"He's always like this," replied Remus, sighing. "He's Gryffindor's Quidditch hero, so he always seems to panic right before a match because he thinks he'll lose. He loses that look on his face like he just kissed the Bloody Baron once he gets onto his broom. Then, once he wins the match, he will realize how ridiculous he was being and how Gryffindor would never lose a match. It's all about self-confidence."

"Huh," Lily mused as she sipped her pumpkin juice. "And here I thought he never questioned his supreme greatness."

This earned her a shaky grin from James and a barking laugh from Sirius.

"Good one, Evans," Sirius commented appreciatively. He clapped his arm around James's shoulder. "Those Slytherins are never going to know what hit them. I mean, look at them," said Sirius, glancing at the table on the far side of the room. "They're greasy and sallow. And look us brave Gryffindors. We have perfect hair and complexions. Well, some of us," amended Sirius, ruffling James's hair in a brotherly way.

"Ooh, Sirius, not the hair," Peter teased.

James's hand immediately jumped to his head, and he began to finger his locks anxiously.

"Cut it out, you two," Lily, shooting both boys dirty looks, reprimanded. She looked at James and her voice turned more soothing. "James, your hair is fine. The Quidditch match is going to go as planned, and afterwards I will help you find better friends." Lily smiled to herself as she ignored the yelps of protest from Peter and Sirius. "Now, you should really eat something."

"I'm too nervous to eat," James said finally. "In fact, I feel like I might throw up."

Sirius scooted over. "Make sure you keep it to the other side of the table, mate."

Lily rolled her eyes. "James, you can't throw up if you haven't eaten anything."

"Not true, Lily," Peter said. "There's always something down in your stomach ready to come out."

Lily turned to Remus, the only other relatively sane person of the group.

"Trust me, you don't want to know," Remus advised her.

"Okay. Look, James, just a little bit of toast. It'll help keep your strength up. I'll even put raspberry jam on it, your favorite," she finished with a smile. Two days ago while they were on patrol Lily and James decided to ask each other the jam question to prevent any Imperius Curse mix-ups.

She passed him the toast, and he hesitantly nibbled the edge of it. Slowly, he swallowed and then took another bite. Lily beamed at him.

"Woah, Evans," said Sirius, impressed. "No one's ever been able to get James to eat on match days. You have a gift. It must be your feminine wiles."

"Feminine wiles?" Lily echoed skeptically.

"They're deadly especially when mixed with a short skirt."

Lily rolled her eyes and then listened to Sirius, Remus, and Peter's discussion of the strengths of the Gryffindor Quidditch team as she finished her breakfast. After about ten minutes, James put down his bit of toast he had left. "Time to go," he murmured.

"Kick their smarmy asses!" Sirius urged him.

"Don't be a hero and get hurt!" Peter said.

"Remember that it's only a game!" Remus stated.

Lily shook her head at her boys. "Good luck, James," she said with a smile.

His lips curved upwards but did not form a full smile as he left to collect the rest of his team. Lily watched as the scarlet blob exited the Great Hall before she turned back to her pumpkin juice.

"I bet you ten galleons James sends some Slytherin bloke to the Hospital Wing," Sirius said to Peter.

"Really, Sirius?" asked Lily, shaking her head.

"Okay," he replied ignorantly. "Fifteen galleons."

Lily felt slightly consoled when her forehead was not the only one hit by a palm in frustration. Thank Merlin for Remus John Lupin.

When Lily journeyed down to the Quidditch Pitch with Remus, Sirius, and Peter at her heels, she could not help but to feel excited. Although she had been to matches before and liked the sport, Quidditch had never seemed as exhilarating as it did to her now. There was an energy among the students of Hogwarts that heightened as Lily took her seat. Dressed in a red sweater with her Gryffindor scarf, Lily blended into the red mass around her. Still, nothing could make a person stand out from a crowd like being next to Sirius.

"Hooch!" Sirius screamed at the top of his longs. "Are you bloody BLIND? That was an illegal pass! Call a foul!"

He was standing on top of his seat and waving his arms around like a raving lunatic. Lily shook her head in disapproval. How could one person possibly generate so much noise? And at all times? Lily wondered if Sirius had once performed a _Sonorus_ charm on himself and then forgot to take it off. It would explain a lot, and it would be such a Sirius thing to do. Still gesturing like a madman, Sirius was capturing the attention of nearly everyone around him, particularly the females.

Lily rolled her eyes. Boys took sports too seriously, especially Sirius. Lily turned to Remus, her friend during times of stupidity who would join in for sarcastic comments or knowing glances, but he was also yelling at the top of his lungs and shaking his fist threateningly at the players. Even Peter was mouthing off furiously. "Boys," Lily muttered under her breath.

She turned her attention back to the game. One of the more unattractive Slytherin chasers had possession of the quaffle. Lily watched as he swerved back and forth like a green snake being chased by a flock of scarlet red birds circling around him and awaiting their prey. Lily did not blame him when the panicked boy dropped the ball. She clapped politely as one of the Gryffindor chasers captured the quaffle. Her interest sparked when the fourth year threw it to James, who caught it and then flew expertly down the Pitch.

Flying seemed as effortless to him as breathing was for Lily. She was memorized by the way the air seemed to support him more than his broom did. It all seemed so natural, so obvious. A leaf on the wind, but at the same time, he controlled the wind. This was James.

_Whack._

Lily blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. A disgruntled Slytherin beater rammed his bat with all his might into James's shoulder, which twisted backwards at an odd angle. Lily could not contain her fury.

"Bloody hell!" she shrieked shrilly. "What the ruddy hell was that for? Just because you're losing doesn't mean you can nearly take someone's arm off! Foul! Call a foul! Throw him out of the game! For Merlin's sake, Hooch, control those Slytherin brutes! Those gits! Those disgusting, horrible, dirty excuses for human beings!"

Red in the face, Lily took a huge breath. She heard chuckling and then looked around to catch the culprit. Remus, Peter, and Sirius were staring at her with expressions of sheer awe.

"Merlin," Peter whispered in amazement.

"Lily," Remus voiced in equal shock. "You're screaming because of Quidditch."

"Yeah," Lily huffed. "So?"

"You always say it's a barbaric sport that only serves to beat each other into senseless pulps and give the players windblown hair," Peter replied.

"I changed my mind," Lily spat.

Sirius grinned doggedly and attacked Lily in a spine-breaking hug. "I knew we would corrupt you one day!" he sang happily.

"Sirius!" Lily croaked. "Can't breathe!"

"Oh, sorry, Lils," Sirius apologized as he released his death grip on her.

"It's okay," replied Lily faintly as she clutched her chest. "Oxygen is only vitally important to human life."

"Pay attention, guys," Remus said urgently. "Madame Pomfrey's checking out James's shoulder."

"Why is she holding it like that?" Peter asked.

"It's probably dislocated," answered Remus, sounding a bit nauseous at the thought. "She's going to have to pop it back into place."

Lily watched in horror as Madame Pomfrey braced James's arm. He winced slightly, but, otherwise, his face remained still, focused, like he was concentrating very hard on something.

"He's so resilient," Lily breathed.

'Yeah," agreed Sirius with a shaky laugh. "James can pretty much withstand anything."

"That's the only reason why he has been able to put up with you for so long, Sirius," Remus teased.

Lily laughed as she felt the tension of the crowd diminish. Turning back to the game, she applauded enthusiastically as James successfully executed his penalty shot. "Go, James!" she cheered.

Remus turned to Sirius and muttered in an undertone, "I can't believe she likes Quidditch now."

Sirius laughed. "Maybe we should just make it official and give her an obscure nickname already."

Nearly an hour and one caught snitch later, the hoopla of hugging and cheering had diminished enough amongst the Gryffindors that they could think to move from the Pitch to the Gryffindor Tower. As the team trotted off to the locker rooms, Lily and the rest of the Marauders left to prepare the Common Room for jubilation and firewhiskey. When Sirius finally declared that there was enough food, Remus conjured up some music, and the party commenced. About fifteen minutes later, the team sauntered through the Portrait Hole. Lily felt the Gryffindors were making too big of a ruckus. Sure, they had won the match, but it was still only Quidditch! Still, she had to admit, freshly showered, clad in his clean scarlet leather getup, and grinning from ear to ear, James did look rather swoon-worthy.

Throngs of Gryffindors swarmed around their triumphant Captain as they demanded his account of the game and his predictions for the Cup. As anxious to speak to him as everyone else appeared to be, Lily busied herself by getting something to eat until the adoration died down. It took a long time. All the Gryffindors loved James. He was nice, he was charming, he was sweet, and he was their hero.

Lily hovered over the refreshment table as she waited for the giggling third year girls to finally unhook their claws James. As she was grabbing a butterbeer, Lily noticed that James was looking at her. He smiled at her, and she waved back friendly. He murmured something graciously to the girls before walking towards Lily.

"Hey," he greeted her cheerfully.

"Hi," said Lily.

"Could you grab me a butterbeer? I'm parched."

Lily grinned. "You must be. I don't know what's worse the girls or the Quidditch."

"Definitely the girls," answered James, chuckling to himself. "At least in Quidditch the players are less grabby."

"I guess it comes with the Captaincy," Lily remarked.

"Yeah, it gets ruddy annoying, but I don't want to hurt their feelings," said James, opening his butterbeer. "Ahh," he winced.

"Are you okay?" asked Lily worriedly. "Your arm must be in loads of pain from such a fresh injury."

He sighed. "Twinges a bit still, but that's just ghost pain. It'll fade eventually. I've had worse."

"The girls get a tad feisty," Lily joked.

"Yes," said James, laughing. "It's like battling Devil's Snare to get past them."

"Well, I don't want to be another teenage fan girl, but I think you were pretty excellent today."

"Thanks, Lily," said James sincerely. "That means a lot." He paused to smile at some secret joke before continuing. "Anyway, Lily, I don't think anyone could ever group you with those other girls. I'm fairly certain that if you fawned over me, it would mean the apocalypse," he teased.

"Ahh, yes," she replied with a laugh. "I can't stand cocky Quidditch players who think they know everything."

"We don't know everything, Lily," James corrected her jokingly. "Everything just changes to fit our needs."

Lily chortled. "I have a question for you, Mr. Quidditch Star. How come you aren't the seeker if you like hearing your name chanted so much?"

"I thought about it. Not to sound conceited," he continued with a wink, "but I do have pretty decent reflexes. I just never liked the idea of only being useful for one thing. As a chaser, I'm active the entire game, and, if I do my job right, I can even get enough points that the snitch doesn't matter at all."

"I never really thought about that," Lily admitted.

"We've never really talked before."

"Yeah," Lily commented.

"I like talking to you," mumbled James with a hint of blush.

"Me too," replied Lily, trying to hide her face with her hair.

"James!" Sirius shouted from across the room. "Mate, come here! Remus's gonna open up the Zonko's stuff!"

James looked at Lily. "You interested?" he asked with a raised eyebrow and smirking smile.

"Why not," she replied with a smile.

"Let's go," said James, winking.

The next morning, Lily woke up feeling anxious. Perhaps it was all those Sugar Quills she had consumed the night before. Traces of last night's events lingered on Lily's person. Her face still had ash marks from multiple games of Extreme Exploding Snap, a game Sirius invented at three in the morning that involved firewhiskey. Her chest hurt from these new sweets that made her hiccup, but that also could have been from the firewhiskey. Finally, Lily was wearing Remus's cloak because her shirt was somewhat mangled by an accident involving a fanged Frisbee, a badly timed movement, and Peter Pettigrew. The events all seemed a tad hazy. Lily was not sure if she wanted to remember all the ridiculous things that happened. This was so unlike her. Yet, all she could think about was getting ready so she could to Hogsmeade with her boys.

Though she rushed about her room with a bit too much enthusiasm after she showering, nothing could speed up the process of picking out the proper outfit. What does one wear to go to the local village with the four most popular guys in school, one of whom you kind of have feelings for but the entire situation is too complicated to even make sense? Lily decided to go with jeans.

After one last final inspection in the mirror to make sure she had not missed anything from the previous night, Lily hurried out of the Heads' Dorm and went to breakfast. Oddly, the Marauders were missing from their usual spot. Lily frowned as she sat down. It was their normal feeding time, and Lily knew that if they, especially Sirius, did not eat at least every three hours they tended to get a tad cranky. Her wandering, wondering thoughts faded as the post came and Charm dropped a letter onto Lily's plate.

"Hey, there, Alma," Lily greeted her softly. "Thanks, girl, you're the best."

The bird hooted and nipped Lily's finger affectionately before flying away.

Lily opened her letter to find a lengthy bit of scrawl from Alice.

_Lils!_

_Hello, my fiery friend. I know I've been a bit of an idiot lately. Sure, I was rather surprised when you sent me that letter telling me about your friendship with the Marauders. I mean, it's not every day your best friend tells you that she's consorting with the enemy. But, your last letter and Frank convinced me I might have gone a little overboard with demanding a test to see if you'd been Unforgivabled. Remus really is quite dashing. I'd be his friend, too. Just don't tell Frank I said that!_

_I know I said I'd try to meet up with you on one of these Hogsmeade weekends, but I'm so swamped today. Literally. Moody is making us learn how to survive in difficult environments. I didn't know that when I signed on to fight the evil forces of darkness I would also need to bring bug repellent. Plus, I don't even let Frank see me without mascara on (Those pesky brunettes. They have all the luck. What about us poor blondes and redheads whose eyelashes aren't naturally dark?). Now he's going to see me all sweaty and gross from the swamp. I'm going to look exactly like that swamp monster muggles always seem to talk about. Too bad they just don't realize it's another Giant Squid. Merlin, they are rather dim sometimes. Especially your sister._

_Right! I won't be able to visit you today, but I don't think it'll be that bad. Now you can just go out with the four biggest troublemakers from Hogwarts. Have you broken any school rules yet? I'd pay fifty galleons to see that. Too bad they're masters of unruliness. I'd pay even more to see McGonagall's face as you sat in detention._

_Well, I love you, dear. I miss you greatly. We desperately need to see each other soon. I miss your face and the common estrogen you supply. Boys are fantastic (I know this from experience), but they aren't the same as your best friend. You can't turn to them and say all grouchily that you're PMS-ing. They'll freak out and won't be able to look you in the eye for nearly a week. (Again, from experience). _

_Love you, Lily!_

_Alice_

Lily laughed loudly and decided she would need to send Alice some _Witch Weekly _magazines for the time being. This distance was not healthy for Alice. She was beginning to sound even more scatterbrained than usual.

Soon, her fellow students were herding towards the courtyard to go to Hogsmeade. Lily, still looking for the Marauders, followed them. Lily scanned the groups of students for what seemed to be ages, but she could not find them. Lily wondered if they were still sleeping or maybe they just forgot what day it was altogether.

"Boo!" someone said from behind Lily as he put his hands over her eyes.

"Sirius," said Lily, laughing. "You're supposed to disguise your voice when you do that." She turned around to see Sirius standing with the rest of the Marauders.

"Then you wouldn't know it was me."

"Exactly," replied Lily, shaking her head.

"Aha!" exclaimed Sirius. "So you didn't want it to be me! Lily, do you not love me? What did I do to ever lose your womanly affections?"

"What did you ever do to gain them?" Remus said jokingly as he clapped Sirius on the back.

"Oh, say it isn't so, fair maiden," continued Sirius dramatically as he bent down on one knee and grabbed Lily's hand. "Say you love me too."

Lily looked at Sirius's pouting face and then winked at the smirking rest of the Marauders. Pretending to weigh her options, she finally patted Sirius on the head like the dog he was and said, "I'll think about it."

Sirius bounced up to his feet with a huge, pearly grin.

"See, James," he boasted loudly. "It's not that hard."

"Shut it, mate," James muttered.

"Where were you guys?" Lily asked. "You missed breakfast. I thought that was against the Marauder Code."

"They're more like guidelines," said Peter, laughing. "Besides, we stopped at the kitchens on our way here."

"Yes," voiced Remus. "We couldn't leave you dateless for Hogsmeade."

Lily chuckled. "So this is a date?" she asked.

"Yes, Lils," replied Sirius, throwing his arm around Lily's shoulder. "Of course, it's a date."

James rolled his eyes. "Come on, guys, let's go to Hogsmeade."

Sirius straightened with mock formality. "Forward, march!" he ordered.

Lily did not stop laughing the entire way to the village.

Three and a quarter hours later, Lily and the Marauders boisterously entered the Three Broomsticks. Bags filled with sweets, Quidditch supplies, and new Zonko's products for later, they squeezed through the crowded bar until they found a table. Lily plopped onto her chair with a sigh. Keeping up with four boys at one time was hard work.

"I'm exhausted," she murmured.

"That's no good!" Peter replied. "We still have loads to do. The day's barely even started!"

Lily's head fell into her arms as she groaned. "My feet hurt."

"Stay seated, sweet Lily," said Sirius in a gentlemanly voice. "Peter and I will go get you refreshments to restore your strength."

There was an audible thud, and then Remus grunted in what appeared to be a pained voice, "And I need to go to the loo."

Suddenly, all three disappeared, and Lily was left alone at the table with James.

Out of the corner of her eye, she glimpsed Sirius and Peter staring at them from the bar.

Lily laughed. "I think we've been set up."

James grinned in response. "I think so too. Lovely friend's we've got."

"Who needs enemies, right?"

"Exactly," laughed James. "Though, I'd like to think there could be worse things than spending time with me."

"You're right," agreed Lily. "I could be trapped with Sirius."

James chuckled quietly. "So, Lily, we're sitting alone at a table in the Three Broomsticks. What do we do now?"

Lily was surprised to find that the answer that almost bubbled from her lips would have been highly inappropriate. "I dunno," she said finally.

"Good, because neither do I."

"I guess we'll just have to make it up as we go. Though, we should put up a good show for them. It seems it took all their brain power to come up with this little scheme."

"That shouldn't be too difficult," mused James.

"Nope," replied Lily simply.

James leaned closer to her to drop a bag of sweets onto the floor. He was so close that she could smell his clean scent and make out every individual eyelash before he leaned back again. "So, Lily, how have you been?"

It took Lily a few seconds to answer. The boy in front of her had not seemed so quintessentially James for some time. It was hard to think straight.

A/N: there was banter. and joking. haha. please have the best day you can and leave a review! i love reading them! new chapter coming......soon.

love you all and wishing james wasn't fictional,  
molly


	10. The Attraction

Chapter Ten

The Attraction

"Lily. Lily, wake up."

She turned over and tried to escape the light pressure pulling on her shoulder.

"Please, Lily, wake up."

"Nrrgh," she groaned.

"Come on, Lily, your back is going to be all in knots if you sleep on the couch all night."

"Go away," she murmured darkly as she rolled over.

"Sorry," the voice said with a laugh. "I can't do that."

Lily turned her back to the annoyance and snuggled her face into the cushion of the sofa.

"Lily," the voice said again sweetly. "Come on, wake up."

She felt warm fingers lightly pulling her away from the cushions. They moved to her face, and her skin burned everywhere the fingers touched. She sighed as they began to move hair out of her eyes.

Lily looked up with half-closed eyes. "James?"

He smiled at her. "Hey, Lily." She moved over slightly on the couch so he could sit next to her.

"What time is it?" she asked groggily.

"It's a bit after three."

"In the morning?" she asked with slight confusion.

"Yes. Why are you sleeping on the couch?"

"I was waiting for you to come home. I wanted to talk to you, but I guess I just got so tired."

Lily yawned hugely, and her head fell onto James's shoulder. James wrapped his arms around her body and rested his chin on top of her red hair.

"It's okay, Lily, we can talk tomorrow."

"Where did you go?" she asked as her eyes began to close on their own accord.

"It's a secret," James whispered into her ear.

Lily nodded. "Okay," replied Lily, not having the strength to argue the point. James was much too warm and smelled far too good and it was much too late.

"Lily," whispered James, shaking her a little. "You can't fall asleep here again. You need to go to bed."

"It's too far," she disagreed as she snuggled into James's chest. He made a good pillow. He wasn't soft exactly, but his chest felt perfect against her cheek.

"You smell good," she sighed into his chest.

"Thanks, Lily."

"Mmhm," she yawned as she curled her arms around his neck.

"No, you don't," James said as he sensed what she was doing. "This couch is much too small for the both of us, and I don't fancy the pain tomorrow."

He struggled to remove her grasp from the collar of his shirt.

"No," argued Lily, shaking her head.

"Shh," he whispered to her. His cool breath tickled her cheek in a pleasant way. "It's okay. I'm going to take you to bed."

"Okay. Sirius said we could never just be friends anyway," Lily slurred.

"What?" James asked. She didn't answer. "Lily, what did you say?" All he heard was her steady breathing. She had fallen asleep again.

James, shaking his head, figured he must need some sleep too. He was beginning to imagine things. He put one arm underneath Lily's back and the other under her knees. Carefully, as to not wake her, he lifted her off the couch. He carried her bridal-style to her room slowly as he tried to minimize the rocking motions of his body. After managing to open the door with his foot, he walked into her room and placed her gently onto her bed.

He tucked her in and then turned to leave, but her arm grabbed his.

She made a protesting sound with her mouth and tried to keep him with her.

"You need to sleep, Lily. I'll be here tomorrow, I promise," he whispered to her. He watched as her troubled face began to relax. He hesitantly moved her hair out of her eyes and traced the cheek of her face with the side of his finger. Her mouth opened, and she sighed in a content way. James resisted the urge to trace her lips with his fingers.

"Oh, Lily," he murmured in a torn voice as he tugged at his hair in frustration.

She sighed again, and James found it harder to control his thoughts. He kneeled against Lily's bed and bent forward so that his face was at the same level as hers. He stared at her for minutes before realizing what he was doing.

He brought his lips to her forehead where her hair met her skin and kissed the area ever so lightly. His lips hesitated, and he heard her moan softly in her sleep. "Sweet dreams, Lily," he sighed before dragging himself away.

He forced himself to walk to his own room and stripped down to his boxers and a t-shirt. However exhausted he was from the day's events, once his head hit his pillow, he could not fall asleep. His mind kept drifting back to the girl sleeping a room away from him.

The next morning, Lily woke up feeling very refreshed. She was slightly confused because she could not remember how she managed to make it to her bed. The last thing she remembered was reading her Charms notes while waiting for James to come back from his "quick" trip to the library.

After showering and getting ready for school, Lily checked James's room to see if he was there. He was not. Lily turned to leave, but she hesitated. She had never been alone in James's room before. She looked around. It was furnished similarly to hers but with richer colors. Cautiously, for fear that he might catch her in the act, Lily tiptoed to James's bed and sat down. She rested her head against his pillow and breathed in the scent. It smelled just like James but in a more concentrated form. It was intoxicating. She looked up and wondered what it must be like to wake up every day as James.

Things between them had escalated in the past few weeks. Their friendship, so careful at first, was strong and stable. They could laugh together and talk about themselves during patrols without any awkwardness. Yet, Lily had a feeling like the lines were beginning to blur. She did not know when the friendship ended and something else began. They were sailing through undetermined waters.

Lily glanced down at her watch. She had been lying on James's bed for nearly fifteen minutes.

"Damn," Lily exclaimed as she quickly jumped off his bed and exited his room. She grabbed her schoolbag and left the Heads' Dorm to rush to the kitchens to grab a muffin before Divination.

By the time Lily made it up to the North Tower, she was out of breath and red in the face.

"Cutting it a bit close, Miss Evans," Professor Mirar stated from the front of the room.

"Sorry," murmured Lily, turning an even deeper shade of red.

"No matter, I foresaw it anyway. Mr. Potter is waiting for you over there. We are reading tea leaves today."

"Yes, sir," said Lily as she walked to the table he pointed her to.

James's eyes found Lily's, and he smiled at her. Lily's mouth immediately grinned back in response. She felt a little dizzy at the way he was looking at her, but she figured she was just tired from sprinting up all those steps to make it to class on time.

"Hey," she said as she sat down.

"Hey, Lily," he greeted her warmly as he leaned over the table to pass her a cup of tea. "I sneaked a little sugar in it when Mirar wasn't looking," he whispered in her ear conspiratorially. His breath tickled her ear, and Lily's arms broke into goosebumps.

"That's supposed to make the tea leaves unreadable," Lily replied back in a hushed and disapproving tone.

"I know."

He leaned back into his chair, and Lily immediately wished he had more secrets to share.

"Then why did you do it?" she asked.

"Well, it's not like a bunch of tea leaves are going to decide your future anyway."

"I guess you're right."

"Of course I am," joked James, winking at her.

"James Potter, I do believe you are turning into a bit of a git."

"A bit?" James echoed. "That's rather nice of you."

"I know," agreed Lily. "I should've said you're a huge prat." Lily smiled and drank her tea. "Ahh, this does taste better."

"See, I told you," he replied before tasting his own tea with a smile on his lips. His knee touched Lily's under the table for a brief second. Though his leg was covered by his trousers and not bare like her own, she could still feel the skin of his knee against hers. He moved it back suddenly, and Lily, embarrassed, looked down at her tea.

"Oh, I was wondering," mused Lily, twirling her spoon around in her tea.

"Yes?"

"What time did you get home last night? I remember waiting up for you, but I must have gone to bed."

"It was very late, and you were there on the couch waiting for me. I had to drag you to bed. You're very stubborn when you're half-asleep."

"Oh, sorry. I like sleep and have a tendency to hurt anyone who tries to wake me. I hope I didn't do anything too awful."

"Nope," said James. "Nothing too bad."

"Good," Lily grinned. She drained her tea and thrust it at James. "Read my future, James."

He laughed and took the cup from her. His warm hands wrapped around hers before taking the cup.

"Well, you have a lot of soggy leaves in your cup. Maybe that means you're going to be stuck in the rain."

Lily laughed. "Is there anyone to help me?"

"Oh, yes," James invented. "You see this little bit of leaf here with the spiky edge? That's me. I'm going to rescue you."

"Well, I have nothing to worry about then."

"No, you do," warned James. "You see, I get stuck, too, and suddenly we're just two people lost in the rain until a hippogriff comes and flies us away. See that's that huge blob over there."

Lily grabbed the cup away from James. "It does not say that."

"Lily, they're tea leaves. They don't say anything."

"Well, if they did, you would be very, very wrong."

"I'm sure," he laughed.

He placed his hand on her arm. Lily wasn't sure if it was a friendly gesture or something more. Everything was becoming so muddled. She licked her lips, and she noticed that he gulped a little. A piece of red hair fell into her eyes, and he leaned over to place it behind her ear.

"Here," he said as he moved back to his chair. "Read mine."

He pushed the cup towards her carefully to not touch her hand. Lily, very conscious of the fact that he was staring at her, picked up the cup and examined its contents.

"Well," she decided. "You're going to turn into a plant."

"A plant?" James asked.

"Yes," said Lily solemnly. "And unfortunately, you're going to be brown and ugly."

"Damn," James sighed.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from what you look like now," Lily teased.

"Lily!"

"What?" she asked innocently.

He grabbed the cup back from her. "I don't think you and tea leaves mix well."

"Probably not," she agreed. "We might have to stop trying then."

"Yes, it's a shame, but I think we lack the inner eye today."

Lily laughed as they continued to banter back and forth. Five minutes later, James's knee brushed against hers again. This time, however, he did not move it.

Lily was grateful when the class ended. She did not know how much longer her self-control could survive while she was sitting so closely to James. The scents and the lighting did not help a bit either. She smirked when James also rushed out of the room. Apparently, she was not suffering alone. She tried to keep her voice calm as she asked him if he was going to lunch as well.

"Yes," he answered. "I promised Sirius I'd meet him in the Great Hall."

"Good," Lily replied. Thoughts of Sirius kept her mind away from the other tantalizing boy next to her.

"So, Lily, what were you and James doing that made you both look so bashful walking into the Great Hall?" Sirius asked with a wicked grin.

Lily felt her face burn. "What?"

"Look how she blushes," Sirius commented.

"Way to go, James!" congratulated Peter, who clapped his arm onto James's shoulder as he sat down to eat.

"Shove it, guys. We were just at Divination."

"Is that code for something?" Peter asked Sirius.

"I dunno, mate," Sirius replied. "Remus is the clever Marauder. I'm just the attractive one."

"With no brains," Lily told him. "Honestly, Sirius, we weren't doing anything. I'm a redhead. I blush all the time!"

"Oh, sure, way to spoil my fun."

"Sirius, no one could make your mind stop forming sick fantasies. If only you would use your power for good instead of evil," Remus said with a sigh.

"Yes, but then I would not be a very good mischief maker."

"Too true," Peter agreed.

"You boys are ridiculous," Lily stated.

"Do you still love us?" Peter asked.

Lily pretended to think about it. "I guess," she admitted.

"Yay!" Sirius cheered. "Do you hear that, James? She loves us!"

James swallowed his pumpkin juice. Lily watched as his Adam's apple lurched in his throat. "That's great, Sirius."

"You're in a very good mood today, mate," Remus pointed out to Sirius.

"Yep," Sirius agreed. "I got a post from my dear old mum today demanding that I send back her family crest. I've been waiting ages for her to realize I stole it before I left that hell of a place."

"Oh, Sirius, that's awful!" Lily said.

"No, it's really not that bad. I decided a long time ago that instead of being saddened by my mother's disapproval, I was going to take a rebellious glee out of her disappointment."

"Only you Sirius," Remus murmured under his breath.

The others laughed it off, but Lily saw something in James's eye that told her that only he really understood what strength it took Sirius to say that.

"Well, let's not ruin this euphoria," James said. "To Sirius!" He lifted up his glass to toast his friend.

"To never meeting expectations!" Sirius added before downing the remainder of his pumpkin juice.

Lily laughed. "So, Sirius, what are you going to do once you graduate?"

"Why, Miss Lily, I'm going to buy a flying motorbike."

"A flying motorbike?" Lily repeated.

"Yes," he replied with a wink. "I'll be sure to give you a ride, Lils."

"Me too, Sirius?" Peter asked.

"Ehh, maybe. You just have to look as nice in a skirt as she does first."

"Sirius!" Lily exclaimed as she hit Sirius in the arm, but he was too busy staring at his leg.

Sirius grunted and looked at James. "That hurt, man."

James grinned. "I meant it to."

Lily did not join in with the rest of their laughter because she spotted her owl flying towards her.

"Alma?" Lily questioned under her breath. The owl dropped a letter onto Lily's half-eaten chicken sandwich before hooting happily and flying away.

"What's that, Lily?" Peter asked.

"A letter, I guess."

"I wonder why it didn't come with the rest of the morning post," Remus said thoughtfully.

"I dunno," said Lily, shrugging as she began to open the parchment envelope.

"What does it say?" Sirius asked anxiously.

"Hold your hippogriffs," Lily laughed. "Let me read it first."

_Lily,_

_Oh my Merlin! Sweet Merlin! Amazing, fantastic, glorious, and every other positive adjective out there Merlin! Lily, I'm engaged! Engaged! To be married! Me! To Frank! Me and Frank! Engaged! Oh, Frank. He's even more wonderful than Merlin. Oh, Lily, I had to tell you first. You're my best friend, and I wanted you to be the first to know. Frank wanted me to wait till the morning, but I just couldn't keep the news to myself any longer. I'm engaged!_

_It was so perfect. He took me to this old park where we first met at one of those stuffy old magical family reunions when we were younger. It was so beautiful. It's enchanted with all these fairies and nymphs, and there's all these flowers that have been charmed to always be in bloom. I was blown away by how beautiful it was, and then he told me it wasn't half as beautiful as me. I know! What a bad line, but it was so sweet! I just about died. Then he got down on one knee and told me how much he loved me and how he can't imagine his life without me. He said he just woke up one morning and realized that he had to marry me. So, of course, I pretended to take my good old time thinking about it. I had to make him sweat it out a bit, but, finally, he just looked too adorable and fidgety staring up at me with those big puppy dog eyes of his that I had to say yes. So I accepted his proposal and then he presented me with the biggest rock. You have to see it. It's killing my finger. So what else could I possibly do then besides snog him senseless?_

_ Can you believe it, Lils? I'm going to be married! Alice Longbottom. Of course, you have to be my Maid of Honor. I can't picture anyone else for the job. This is so exciting! We have to buy a dress and get flowers and pick a spot and buy me seductive lingerie! Oh, Lily, I'm so happy. I'm ridiculously and incandescently happy. I only wish you were this happy too. You need to meet a boy. I know none of them will ever come close to being good enough for you, but you haven't dated in ages. Don't you miss the way they smell all musky and woodsy? Or the way they wrap their strong, tendony arms around you? Ahh, where's Frank when you need him? (He's off telling his horrible mother the news. I can't believe that she's going to be my mother-in-law!) Though seriously, Lily, I want you to at least try to find a guy. The right one is out there. You just need to open your eyes._

_Okay, I can't keep writing. I feel the need to go outside and shout "I'm engaged" to the world. I can even use a Sonorus Charm. I wonder if you'll be able to hear it all the way from Hogwarts. I better try it now. All right, I love you! _

_Alice (not Prewett for long!)_

"Ahhh!" Lily squealed. She stamped her feet happily. "EEEE!"

"James, help," Sirius said in a frightened voice. "She's being all girly."

"Make it stop," Peter agreed.

"Grow up, guys," Remus said with a sigh. "What does the letter say, Lily?"

"Alice is getting married!" she answered happily.

"That's wonderful," replied Remus, his own face breaking out into a grin.

"I always thought Alice and Frank made a good couple," commented James. "Alice must be over the moon," he added winking at Lily.

"She sounds deliriously ecstatic," Lily said wistfully. "I wish I could have been there. I imagine the reaction would have been pretty intense."

"Nice, girl-on-girl action," remarked Sirius with a wolfish grin.

"You are a pig," Remus replied.

"A dog, actually," corrected Sirius with an even wider smirk.

"Oh Merlin, I need to go," said Lily, standing up abruptly. "I have to write Alice back. She's probably dying to know what I have to say. I'll see you for rounds later, James."

"Bye, Lily," the boys chimed together in harmony.

She laughed. "Bye!"

As she pranced away happily, she could have sworn she heard them teasing James.

Later that night, Lily, still filled with euphoria from Alice's good news, set out to patrol the castle with James.

"So you were able to get a hold of her?" James asked.

"Yes," she answered. "Alice and I set a bunch of letters to each other. She seems so excited."

"You seem very excited too," James commented as he examined Lily's flushed face and bright eyes.

"I am," Lily replied. "I've always wanted this for Alice."

"What about yourself?" James asked. "Don't you want to get married?"

Lily thought about it for a few moments. "I would like to if I met the right person."

"The right person," James echoed with a grin. "And who might that be?"

Lily laughed. "Sirius Black, of course."

James laughed. "He is the future owner of a flying motorbike."

Lily chuckled in amusement. "What about you?"

"Oh, Sirius isn't exactly my type."

Lily giggled again. "I meant about marriage."

"Yes, I would like to get married. Ever since I was little I've wanted what my parents had. They were so in love."

"Must be nice."

James sighed. "They were very happy together with the time they had."

"Alice keeps reminding me that I lack a significant other." Lily said conversationally as she tried to lighten the mood.

"I'm sure you'll find someone you find attractive, Lils."

"And you?"

Laughing to himself, James shook his head. He threw his arm around Lily's shoulder. "We'll see." Lily let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding since she had asked the question.

As they turned the corner of the long hallway, they heard noises. Lily and James looked at each other curiously before walking towards the sound.

"What do you think it is?" Lily asked.

James shrugged and moved his arm from her shoulder to her waist. Lily rolled her eyes at his stupid need to protect her.

The noise became louder and clearer, and Lily realized that it was coming from a nearby broom closet. Outside the closet, the sounds were easy to distinguish. They weren't screams or chatter but moans. Lily glanced at James awkwardly.

"Do you reckon we should stop them?" asked Lily, trying not to think about what they were doing in there. Unfortunately, a loud, female cry of ecstasy made it all too clear.

"I think we have to," James replied reluctantly. The hesitation on his face was clearly evident. He, too, did not want to open that door.

"I guess I'll open it," Lily said as she reached for the door. James's grip tightened noticeably on her waist.

The door opened with a loud creak, revealing a scantily clad couple snogging their brains out.

Lily sucked in her breath, and James's fingers tightened so much that it began to hurt.

The oblivious couple continued to kiss, and Lily, too afraid to look at James or the pair, concentrated on the tile of the floor. She cleared her throat loudly.

"Umm, excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt your---" she swallowed hard before continuing, "alone time, but it's after curfew. You both need to return to your dormitories."

The couple, who appeared to be two sixth year Ravenclaws, untangled themselves from each other. Lily tried to divert her eyes as they both buttoned their shirts in haste. She heard James gasp as the boy zipped his pants back up. Lily noticed how his palm had begun to feel sweaty against the skin of her waist. Suddenly, Lily became acutely aware of the fact that she and James were wearing their uniforms without the bulky robes and that he felt very warm pressed up against her.

Lily gulped. This was not good. She wished the two Ravenclaws would just hurry up and get out of the broom closet. Really, couldn't they have found somewhere a tad more respectable? Yet, as she watched the girl giggle as she fixed her hair, Lily wondered if she would mind so much if it had been her and James who were snogging each other. Lily's entire body grew warm as the images flooded her brain. She imagined James's hot breath in her mouth as his tongue wrestled with hers. The way his strong fingers would grip her waist as he thrust her up against the wall of the small closet. The feeling of his soft hair underneath her fingertips. The racing of both of their heartbeats as they both refused to come up for air. Lily wondered if all it would take for those images to come true would be to pull James in there with her by his tie. James coughed, and Lily was plucked from her reverie. Finally, the sixth years left the closet and scurried away.

Lily let out a nervous laugh, and James released Lily from his control as though she had suddenly been on fire. He glanced up at her nervously.

"Well, that was an experience," he said shakily.

"Yeah," Lily agreed.

"I suppose we should have taken points away from Ravenclaw."

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed. "I completely forgot about that. I just saw the two of them, and I couldn't---"

"I know," James agreed hastily.

"What should we do now?" Lily asked. Her knees felt weak. She wanted to lean on James for support, but that did not seem like a good idea.

He sighed and ran a hand through his untidy hair. "You hungry?"

"Starving," Lily answered.

"Me too."

The electric tension between the two Head Students was slightly diminished under the bright lights of the kitchen. Still, there was an almost tangible static to the air as they ate their chocolate cake together. They didn't say much, and Lily knew it was because they were both still thinking about what they had just witnessed.

When she was done with her cake, Lily licked the remaining chocolate off her fork, and she saw James gulp out of the corner of her eye. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he smirked in response. Lily felt her heart jump in her chest. Alice was wrong. Lily was definitely attracted to someone.

A/N: ahh, james and lily action. well, not really. but there are some moments that are almost as good as james and lily action. haha. i really like the tension between the two here. i hope you did as well, gentle readers. i would like to thank you for reading this chapter, and i beg you to review it. i positively adore reading them. i thrive on feedback. now, the next chapter is the last! gasp! i know. however, i think we all now that as this wacky revenge scenario has unfolded, the time for lily and james to kiss and make up has come. wait? did i mention kissing? way to spoil, the ending, molly!


	11. The Amends

Chapter Eleven

The Amends

"If you heard someone about to attack you, what would you do?" Professor Lawrence asked her N.E.W.T. Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

"Use a defense charm!"

"Try to find a way to escape."

"Hex them to oblivion before they could even raise their wand!" Sirius called out from the back of the room.

The class erupted into appreciative laughter, and Professor Lawrence smiled amusedly at him.

"Yes, Mr. Black," she replied with a chuckle. "I'm sure that would be your reaction, and it's not a bad one to have. Sometimes, bravery and impulsiveness will save your life. Merlin forbid, if any of you were put in a life-or-death situation, I would hope that you would use all of your cunning to survive unscathed. Thus, it is sometimes necessary to feel your way through situations and just react."

She paused, and once again Lily felt the familiar sensation the Professor Lawrence had experienced something quite horrific in her lifetime. The thought made Lily's stomach turn. She had become Lily's favorite professor over the course of the term. Everything Professor Lawrence said seemed to be so insightful and real, as though she had lived Defense Against the Dark Arts rather than just studied it.

"Yes," Professor Lawrence continued. "If you are surrounded by unsavory wizards who seem likely to use an Unforgivable, I strongly advise you to bring Mr. Black and his advice along." She winked at Sirius, whose ears, Lily was delighted to note, turned just the slightest shade of pink. It seemed Lily was not the only one who had developed a crush. It was understandable. With her long blonde hair and enchanting smile, it was hard not to become completely enamored by Professor Grace Lawrence. Still, Lily contained her laughter. It was so rare that Sirius ever got embarrassed that she did not want to ruin the memory. She focused her attention back onto the lecture.

"Yet, even in times of panic or distress, sometimes you must keep your head. You can't always be going around attacking everyone when you feel threatened. Can anyone think of a situation in which blindly cursing your enemy would be unadvisable?"

Lily raised her hand.

"Yes, Miss Evans," she called.

"Well," began Lily, thinking intently. "What if your attacker is not an enemy at all? What if it's someone on your side, and you didn't notice because you were too quick to attack yourself?"

"Precisely, Miss Evans," replied Professor Lawrence, smiling warmly at her. "How do you know if the person creeping behind you is friend or foe? Moreover, how do you know if that person is a good person who's merely under the influence of the Imperius Curse or Polyjuice Potion? Appearances are so often deceiving with magic."

"Then what do you do? In times of battle you don't have time to find out if they are who they seem to be. How do you decide?" Remus asked.

"Good question, Mr. Lupin," she complemented him. She sighed before answering his question. "Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Sometimes, you might get it right and the villain really will be the villain. Sometimes, you won't be so lucky. In the seconds you have to decide what action to take, I would advise you all to get a good look at your attacker and then decide from there. Trust your instincts. However, if you have more time, if you are planning the attack, don't leave things to chance. You have to make sure that you won't regret your actions. In the heat of passion you can do something terrible, and you might never get the chance to take it back."

"So basically we need to be careful who we hex," Sirius stated.

"Yes, Mr. Black. In an extremely rough form, that's my point."

"Okay," replied Sirius, smirking. "James, next time I attack you, make sure you really think about whether or not you want to hex me back."

James rolled his eyes, but his lips curled into a smile.

"On the contrary, Mr. Black, I give Mr. Potter my special permission to hex you whenever he likes. I'm sure that if he feels the desire to, it would be perfectly warranted. Just nothing too violent, Mr. Potter," Professor Lawrence announced to the boys.

"Thanks, Professor," replied James, chortling at the look of shock on Sirius's face.

The bell rang, and Professor Lawrence looked down at her watch in surprise.

"Oh, Merlin, how time flies!" she exclaimed. "Kindly please write a short essay on your view on what we discussed today. I would like you to explain when you feel retaliation is necessary. It only needs to be about six inches or so, don't strain yourselves! See you all next class."

Lily collected her books and placed them into her bag as her mind roamed over ideas for her essay.

"Hey, Lily," Peter greeted her as the Marauders came up to her desk.

"Hey, guys," she replied as they left the classroom and started walking towards the Great Hall.

"We're going to go hang out by the lake until dinner. Would you like to come?" Remus asked with a smile.

Lily pretended to think about it. "Hmm," she murmured. "Spend my time in the stuffy castle doing schoolwork or hang out with my friends outside on the first warm day we've had in weeks."

"It seems pretty obvious to me," James said.

Lily laughed. "Yes, but inside I don't have to deal with Sirius."

"Lily!" Sirius exclaimed. "How dare you speak such lies? I'm your favorite!"

"Sure," agreed Lily, winking at James secretly. "Of course you are."

"Then it's settled then," Peter established. "We are bringing the lady with us to the lake."

"Last one there has to smell Peter's toes!" Sirius shouted before racing through the hallways.

The rest of the boys followed, and Lily had to sprint as fast as she could just to fall in behind them. As they rounded the corner, Professor Flitwick found them and shouted for them to slow down.

"Ignore it, Professor!" Sirius called over his shoulder. "It's not the right time to fight! Think first!"

"What are you saying, son?" asked Flitwick, confused, but they were too far away to hear him.

Finally, panting, they were at the lake.

"Looks like you lost Lily," Sirius said as he placed his head between his knees.

"We won't make you smell Pete's feet," assured Remus, who was gasping for air.

"No," James chimed in as he swung his arm around her shoulders. His voice sounded a little forced but not nearly as strained as those of his friends. "That is torture we would never submit you to."

"My feet don't smell that bad!" Peter huffed.

"Yeah, they do, mate," Remus corrected him.

"The house-elves need to wear masks over their noses every time they do your laundry," Sirius joked. "Poor little guys. They don't deserve such torture."

"Oh, shut up, Sirius," said Lily, rolling her eyes.

"Thanks, Lily," Peter replied.

"Sure thing, Pete."

"Aww, come on, Lily. It was only a little bit of fun," Sirius complained childishly.

"Yes, and you're only a little bit of stupid," she retorted.

"Hey!"

"She's got you there, Sirius," commented Remus wryly as he threw Lily a smile.

"Not fair! James, you're my best mate. Say something nice about me!" pleaded Sirius with huge puppy-dog eyes.

"Umm…" James began as his right hand wandered up to twist his air as he struggled to find one good thing about Sirius. "Oh!" he said finally. "You always remember to close your ink bottles."

"See, I---" Sirius preened. "Wait," he stopped suddenly. "Ink bottles! I'm your best mate and all you can think of are bloody ink bottles?"

James shrugged with a grin. "It was the only thing I could think of."

"Thanks, James," huffed Sirius melodramatically. "I'm glad to know how much I mean to you. Ink bottles. Honestly!"

"I'm sure James was just having trouble thinking up just one thing to love about you, Sirius. There's so many that it's hard to restrict yourself," Lily voiced soothingly.

Sirius stopped pouting immediately, and his eyes turned light with happiness. "Really?"

"'Course," James said with a huge nod of his head. "Would I lie to you?"

"Nope."

Lily stared in wonder. It sounded so simple on Sirius's lips, yet she knew there was such a trust and love behind their alpha facades. Boys.

As Sirius turned to gloat to Remus and Peter, James turned to Lily. "Thanks," he mouthed to her discreetly.

Lily smiled at him widely. "Welcome," she mouthed back.

Time passed, and eventually Lily was being forced by four teenage boys to go into the water.

"No!" she shrieked as Sirius and Peter kept grabbing her flailing limbs. "It's like thirty degrees in there!"

"Aww, come on, Lily! It's not that cold!" Peter said as he ducked to avoid her arm.

"No way! No chance in hell!" she exclaimed shrilly.

"Let's get her, boys," James said as he grabbed Lily in his arms and carried her.

Surprised, Lily forgot to protest and froze in his arms. She got lost in the way he smelled and how close his body was to her own. She could feel the warmth of his beating heart through his white uniform shirt. Her breathing hitched and she wrapped her arms around his neck for balance. He emitted a slight groan that Lily would not have heard if she was not in such close proximity to him.

"James Potter, if you drop me into this water, even Merlin will not be able to put you back together."

"Is that a threat, Lily?"

"You bet your ass that's a threat!"

"Well, in that case," he replied amusedly as he carefully let go of her.

"James!" Lily exclaimed as she shut her eyes and prepared herself for the cold water to hit her body. She waited a few seconds for the cold to rush in, but it didn't. Cautiously, she opened her eyes and looked down. She was still two feet away from the edge of the lake. Lily sighed as her heart started to regain its normal rhythm. She heard the sound of a hippogriff choking and looked up to see James fighting back tears as he laughed so hard his face was turning puce.

"You should have seen your face!" he forced out between laughs.

"James Potter!" screeched Lily as she swatted him with her hands. "That was not very nice."

James rolled his eyes. "Like I was going to drop you in the water. C'mon, Lils, you know I'd never hurt you."

"Yeah, yeah," Lily grumbled embarrassedly.

"Doesn't mean we won't!" Sirius yelled as he and Remus snuck up behind them and pushed them down into the water.

"Ahh!" Lily screamed as she broke through the icy water. She resurfaced as soon as she could, and spun around to look for Sirius. Either immune or oblivious to the cold, he was swimming leisurely away from her. Remus was grinning sheepishly at her as James glared murderously at his friends. Lily's heart warmed in her chest as she noticed how unthreatening he truly looked. His chattering teeth surrounded by lips that were turning bluer by the second just made him look adorable. However, it was all ruined when Peter decided to follow them into the lake and splashed water into Lily's face. She growled as she, weighted down by her heavy robe, trudged out of the water. Once back on the shore, Lily hastily grabbed her wand and dried herself off with it.

"You're all bloody jerks!" Lily called out to them. "Insolent, conniving, horrible, bloody wankers, the lot of you!"

"Oh, Lily," Remus said sadly as he, too, came out of the water. His voice was layered with silk to make it nearly irresistible. "Surely, you don't mean that."

"Yes, I do," Lily replied stubbornly. "I'm cold, and you got me all wet."

Peter came out of the water next and offered Lily his robe that he heated with his wand. Lily shrugged it around her shoulders thankfully.

"Now do you take it back?" Peter asked.

"No, you still got me wet."

"Don't fight it, Evans! No matter what we do, we are just too good looking not to love," said Sirius impishly as he and James made their soggy way onto the grass.

"No," replied Lily, shaking her head. "Not anymore." She folded her arms across her chest obstinately to emphasize her point.

"C'mon, Lily," James urged her lightheartedly. "We're decent enough guys. All we really need is someone to love us."

Lily's eyes locked onto his, and she knew she couldn't resist any longer.

"Fine, I love you," she huffed angrily.

"Yay!" Sirius cheered as he ran towards Lily. She backed out of the way quickly to avoid him.

"No you don't," she warned him. "You're soaking wet. I'm not letting you anywhere near me."

Sirius sighed before shaking his head around like a wet dog.

Snickering, Remus performed a drying spell on him before also doing it to Peter, James, and himself.

"Thanks, Remus," Lily said.

"No problem," he replied as he pulled Lily in with his arm for a quick hug.

"Lily sandwich!" Sirius announced loudly before bombarding into them with a huge embrace.

Lily squeaked as both boys squeezed the air out of her. With Sirius's face resting in her hair and Remus's arms wrapped brotherly around her waist, Lily really did feel like a sandwich. She almost laughed when she thought about how many girls would kill to be in her position, but she couldn't breathe to form the sound.

"Guys!" James called anxiously. "Let her go! You're squishing her!"

"Oh, damn, sorry, Lils," Remus said apologetically as he and Sirius both loosened their grips on her sides without truly letting go of her.

Lily heaved a huge sigh as she took in some much needed oxygen. "It's okay," she choked out. "Just another round of let's kill Lily today with our bloody boyish bodies."

"I like that game!" Sirius commented with a pout.

"Yeah," Remus agreed. "It's pretty much the best game ever."

"Except for Wizards' Chess," Peter corrected him.

"Right," Remus amended. "Except for Wizards' Chess."

"Really, you guys?" asked James, quirking an eyebrow dubiously as he scoffed in their direction. "Wizards' Chess?" He looked appreciatively at Lily, who turned tomato red at the spot. His eyes seemed to tell her exactly what he was thinking. She sucked in a breath as he turned to face Peter before asking, "What about Exploding Snap?"

"James!" Lily shouted angrily.

"What?" he asked. His tone was innocent, but his eyes were full of mischief.

"I thought you meant---" Lily's accusatory tone trailed off as she grew more and more frustrated with his roguish features. "Oh, never mind," she sighed with a defeated air.

Peter looked up at the sky, which had turned to a dusky rosy purple as the sun started to hide behind the clouds, and then down at his watch. "We should probably head back to the castle now," he recommended. "It's nearly seven. We don't want to miss dinner."

Sirius's stomach chose to gurgle loudly at the thought. He clutched his middle as he complained of hunger loudly.

"I guess we should be heading back," Remus said as his gaze swept over the lake wistfully. "It'll be getting cold soon."

"Finally! I'm bloody starving!"

"We know, Sirius," commented Lily, as she rolled her eyes playfully. "You guys should go on ahead. I need to head down to the library. I have some books that I need to return before it closes early tonight."

"Lily, we'll wait for you," Remus offered.

"No!" replied Lily, shaking her head in protest. "It's late, and I'm sure you all must be hungry. You know that if Sirius doesn't eat every four hours he gets testy. I'll just do this quick errand and see you guys later."

"Okay," Peter said uneasily. "At least let us escort you back to the castle."

Lily shook her head at their silliness. Stupid, overprotective boys. Lily dwelled on how bizarre their behavior was as they walked back up to the castle together. Last year, they had barely said a word to her. Now, she was practically their princess. All she needed now was….

"Are you sure you'll be okay, Lily?" James asked her sincerely. There was worry in his eyes. It made Lily's heart melt a little inside.

She laughed at his concern. "I will be fine," she told him confidently. "Go to the Great Hall before all the good food gets gobbled up."

"We'll see you later, Lily," Peter assured her.

"Bye, Lily," Remus said.

"Farewell, my dear," Sirius voiced in a chivalrous tone that made Lily laugh.

"Go on already!" She shooed them away with her hands. As they walked, James turned around to check on her. Lily commanded him to turn around silently with her eyes, and he obeyed. Pleased with herself, Lily walked away towards the library.

Receiving only a slight amount of sass from Madame Pince about leaving things to the last minute, Lily returned her almost overdue books. She was about to leave quickly when she heard a voice call her name. She turned around.

"Severus," Lily said quietly as she saw who it was. Her voice was neither pained nor excited. Although she had not forgotten their clandestine friendship, there was too much baggage between them to really reform old bonds and mend infected wounds.

He stared at her for a long time, and Lily began to squirm under his gaze. She didn't like the way his eyes were piercing into her own. It was like he was searching for something but couldn't find it. "What do you want?" she asked finally with a sigh.

"Nothing," he answered back quickly.

She stood there staring at him, willing him to elaborate, to say something to make things better between them. She was met only with silence. "Well, then, I should go," Lily said as she began to turn around. She waited for him to stop her, but he just let her leave. With a heavy heart, Lily chose to go to the Heads' Dorm rather than the Great Hall. She wanted to be alone, and she had a stash of chocolate frogs hidden in her trunk that James didn't know about.

Hours passed as Lily, snuggled on top of a couch in her Common Room, got lost in her latest book. She flipped page after page as she eagerly read the story. She had always enjoyed tragic romances.

As she was about to start a new chapter, she heard the Portrait Hole open. Lily place a ribbon in the book to keep her place and looked up to see James walk into the room.

"Hey," she greeted him casually.

"Lily! There you are!" he replied with relief. "I just checked the library for you, but I forgot it was closed. You never came down for dinner."

"I know," she said. "I got distracted."

"Doing what?" he asked as he plopped down on the couch next to her. His hand reached out to grab hers for reassurance that she was really there.

"Just, you know, lost in my thoughts." She let her thumb trace soothing circles along the back of his hand.

"Well, the next time you decide to think, can you please use a pensive?" he asked with a warm smile before his voice turned more tender. "I was worried about you."

"You didn't need to be," she assured James. "I was fine."

"I can see that now," replied James, reaching up with his unoccupied hand to move some hair out of her eyes. "I didn't like the feeling of not knowing if you were okay." His fingers hesitated on her hair until they skimmed down her face to caress her cheek.

Lily's face felt warm beneath his touch. Everything his hand came into contact with tingled. Lily's mind turned fuzzy as she tried to remember what she wanted to say. When he reached the weak spot on the back of her neck, Lily propelled herself off of the couch. This was wrong. She couldn't keep feeling this way if he didn't know the truth.

James stood up suddenly in response. His eyes formed the question that his lips did not.

Lily fidgeted with her hands nervously. "James," she said quietly. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Okay," he urged her. "Go ahead."

"It's just I've been thinking so much lately about you and me. It's never been easy between us. We've had to overcome so many obstacles. I realize now that the majority of those have been my fault."

"Lily---" James interrupted her.

Lily held up a hand to silence him. "No, let me finish. Before, I thought that you were conceited and uncaring. I told myself that you were a horrible person who only cared about his own amusement. When you asked me out at the lake in Fifth Year just after tormenting a person whom I had considered a friend, at least, I had then, I was furious with you. In your own chivalrous, moronic, lovely way, you were just trying to protect my dignity. I can see that now. I missed it then. Back then, I would have gladly bitten your head off."

"I remember," James said hollowly. The guilt and pain in his voice made it obvious he was not lying.

Lily cleared her throat before continuing. "I decided then and there that I would need to get you back somehow. I planned out this whole ridiculous revenge scenario. It took me a whole summer to perfect. I even made Alice get involved. She tried to tell me it was a bad idea, but I just wouldn't listen." She shivered at the thought.

"So when the new term began, so did my plan. I knew that for some twisted reason you had developed a fondness for me. At the time, I had assumed it was just for the way my legs looked in our uniform skirts." She paused briefly as she watched the corners of James's lips twitch. He did not say anything as he continued to watch her with the deepest intensity.

"I decided I would try to seduce you," continued Lily miserably as she recalled the night she had long tried to forget, the night that she often had nightmares about. "It didn't seem to be too difficult. You were very willing." She gave him a sad smile.

"After---after _it_ happened, after I did what I planned to do, I was shocked. I messed up, you see. You were the only one who was supposed to be broken, but I shattered myself in the process. That kiss, the look in your eyes, the smell of your skin, the glorious happiness on your face, it all killed me. I realized then that you had really cared for me. I never knew the true extent of your feelings until that night, and by then, I had ruined it all. The hurt look in your eyes is an image I will never be able to erase from my memory as long as I live." Lily paused as she attempted to will the water brimming in her eyes to stay put. It was impossible, however, and she felt the tears start to fall. When she began to speak again, her voice sounded too scratchy to be hers.

"My guilt was intensified as I realized something else that night. You were not the only one with romantic feelings. Although I had masked them with retorts and insults, I had wanted you too. Deep down, I think I knew that there was something about you. I would rather have fought with you than carry on a normal, pleasant conversation with anyone else at school, excluding Alice, of course. I should have realized it sooner. It's not normal for one person to monopolize so much of your thoughts without there being some sort of emotion behind it. But I was in denial, and when I realized how I felt, it was too late."

Lily wanted to look at him and see what his eyes were saying, but she couldn't bring herself to see the sadness. She kept her head down as she took another deep breath to carry on with her story.

"I was ashamed. I was angry. I was hurt. I was disgusted. I was confused. I ran away. I left you there. You were all alone in the Common Room, and you were covered in---" She twisted her fingers around as she tried to stop the unpleasant images from filling her brain. "I left you alone then. I figured I had done enough damage to us both. Sirius and Remus confronted me. They demanded an explanation that I was not ready to give. They wanted so badly to protect you. You have wonderful friends, James. They would do anything for you." She looked up briefly at him but did not make eye-contact.

"A year passed. I thought about you every day. I would wake up and see your face and go to bed with thoughts of you plaguing me through restless nights. I was always on alert for someone to mention your name. I eavesdropped on so many conversations, but I could never bring myself to watch you. It's still hard to look you in the eye sometimes. Obviously," she added with a hasty laugh.

"Then, at the beginning of this year, we were forced to be together nearly all the time. We live together and go to the same classes and go on patrols together. I thought it would be awful. It was terribly awkward in the beginning. There were these silences between us when I was torn between the desire to just hold you or talk to you. I refrained. I kept my distance. But then, Sirius invited me to be with you. He asked me to sit with you guys. I became your friend. I've never had such good friends before. It was always been just me and Alice. I found that I loved spending time with the Marauders and that I loved spending time with you. You've managed to surround yourself with some truly extraordinary people."

Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her heart was pounding so loud that she had to wonder if James could hear it. Knowing she could not lose her nerve now, she opened her mouth to begin again.

"Throughout this year, I think I've had the chance to meet the real you, not the person I thought you were. I could not have been more wrong about you two years ago. You are the kindest, most genuine person I have ever known. You offer up all of your love and hold it out for anyone to take. You even tried to befriend me, the girl who tried her hardest to destroy you. With that kind of compassion, it's impossible not to love you. I couldn't help it. Even after all the terrible things I've done to never deserve anything in return, I love you."

Lily sucked in a breath to hold back the impending sobs. James walked towards her as he reached up to wipe away a tear underneath her right eye.

"I'm so in love with you, James."

"Lily, I---"

"I'm sorry," she cut him off. The tears were now impairing her vision completely. "For everything I've done. James, I wish there was something I could do to take it all back. James, I'm so sorry." Her arms flung around his neck as he enveloped her in a tight embrace.

James rubbed soothing circles on her back. "Shh," James whispered comfortingly. He took out a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped away her tears. "Don't cry, Lily," he pleaded with her. His voice sounded pained.

"But, James, I'm a monster. I've done such horrible things to you. How can you be trying to give me solace?"

James took a deep breath that fluttered against Lily's face. "Lily, it's easy to forgive someone you love."

Lily looked up at him. She didn't trust her ears. They had to be malfunctioning. She searched his eyes finally. The moment the hazel met her green, she knew he was telling the truth.

"You love me?" she asked weakly.

He cupped her face in his hand and pressed his sweet lips onto her own. His other arm slid down to her waist as she reached for his hair. He tasted the exact same way she remembered.

_Dear Alice,_

_It's hard to describe a perfect moment. You hear people talk about it, but you can't really know what it feels like until you experience it yourself. I've learned that happiness does not stem from spite or revenge. It comes from love. And Alice, I'm in love with James Potter._

_And he loves me back._

A/N: well, that's the end. i'm actually pretty pleased with this ending. essentially, this story is not about romance or sirius jokes or funny redhead tempers. it's about forgiveness. so i hope you enjoyed it. i know it was a very interesting experience for me to write. i learned a lot. i explored a lot of different emotions. i'm looking forward to beginning my next story, "boyfriend," which will be much lighter. however, i will write a few one-shots before then so please find the heart to read them. i sincerely hope you felt something reading this story. i forever thank you for reading "Revenge."

love,  
molly


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